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Types of S.E.X.

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Nowhere Man, Mar 2, 2007.

  1. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man

    979
    0
    May 22, 2003
    North Port, FL
    >> SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm
    >>having Social Security sex."
    >>"Social Security sex"?
    >>"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>LOUD SEX
    >>
    >>A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
    >>doctor.
    >>
    >> Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
    >>splitting yell".
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
    >>the problem is."
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>QUIET SEX
    >>
    >>Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
    >>during a recent lovemaking session,
    >>
    >> "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
    >>She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>CONFOUNDED SEX
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
    >>from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
    >>back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
    >>it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
    >>"small" , $6,500 for "medium", $14,000 for "large". The man was sure he
    >>would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over
    >>with
    >>his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone
    >>and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found
    >>the man looking dejected.
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
    >>wedding anniversary.
    >>
    >> The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
    >>"Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever".
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>"Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
    >>reads:
    >>" Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At
    >>Last".
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
    >>
    >>My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will
    >>make you happy tonight".
    >>
    >> He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
    >>doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>ELDERLY SEX
    >>
    >>One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year
    >>old
    >>husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up
    >>pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment
    >>.. killing him instantly.
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she
    >>had anything to say in her defense.
    >>
    >> She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could
    >> have
    >>sex . he could fly."