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TV and Movies

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Nowhere Man, Sep 6, 2004.


  1. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man
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    Joined:
    May 22, 2003
    979
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    Location:
    North Port, FL
    Things We Know Because of TV & Movies....

    1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
    strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

    2. Beds have strange L-shaped top sheets that reach up to
    armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man
    lying beside her.

    3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of
    French bread.

    4. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is
    someone in the control tower to talk you down.

    5. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -
    even while scuba diving.

    6. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding
    place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and
    you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

    7. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
    make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your
    sweetheart back home.
    8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German
    officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language.
    A German accent will do.

    9. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any
    building in Paris.

    10. People on TV never finish their drinks.

    11. A man will show no pain while taking the most
    ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries
    to clean his wounds.

    12. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you
    take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over.
    It will always be the exact fare.

    13. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm
    to grow by 15cm.

    14. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering
    a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door
    and use that light instead.

    15. During all police investigations, it will be necessary
    to visit a strip club at least once.

    16. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their
    family every morning, even though the husband and children
    never have time to eat them.

    17. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always
    burst into flames.

    18. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room
    the size of a football stadium.

    19. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him.
    Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

    20. All single women have a cat.

    21. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright
    and pant.

    22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is
    necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left
    to right every few moments.

    23. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of
    killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

    24. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored
    by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"

    25. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings -
    especially if any of their family or friends has died in a
    strange boating accident.

    26. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
    fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently
    to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening
    manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

    27. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing
    the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand
    behind them and talk to their back.

    28. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in
    your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

    29. Dogs always know how to spot villains and will bark at
    them and no one else.

    30. Police departments give their officers personality tests
    to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who
    is their total opposite.

    31. When they are alone, all foreigners somehow prefer to
    speak English to each other.

    32. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide
    with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and
    phone lines in the vicinity.

    33. There's always a chainsaw around when you need one.

    34. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill
    their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses,
    pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks
    that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

    35. All bombs are fitted with helpful electronic timing devices
    that have large red readouts so you know exactly when
    they're going to go off.

    36. It is always possible to park directly outside the building
    you are visiting.

    37. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

    38. A detective can only solve a case once he has been
    suspended from duty.

    39. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone
    you bump into will know all the steps.

    ...and what about
    'You'll always open a phone directory to the exact page
    you want first time'?