Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure. One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what? I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!" How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in. What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-I don't like to interrupt her. Women are so unreasonable! My wife gets mad because every Saturday night I take a bath with bubbles in it. I mean, if Bubbles doesn't mind, why should she? Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them! Some mornings I wake up grouchy...and some mornings I just let her sleep! Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake! Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.