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Tough Love: Anyone Else Here Had To Exercise It?

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by RowdyatHeart, Mar 23, 2012.

  1. RowdyatHeart

    RowdyatHeart

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    I am not talking about a grounding from XBox or No Cell Phone. I am talking about refusing to bail your kid out of jail until they become contrite. Thank God it is a misdemeanor charge. It is ripping my heart out but something that has been a long time in coming.

    Have you ever had to do the same thing?
     
  2. Txnowtn

    Txnowtn

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    Hang in there. I know it's tough. There are no easy answers.
     

  3. fgutie35

    fgutie35

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    I don't want to sound like Im scolding you or that Im better father than you, but I think that when it gets to that point, is kind of late to try disciplinary tactics. You have to get to them when young; very young. I did not have a problem with my first two boy, but my two year old daugther, is kicking my a$s. Is very hard to be strict with her, cause she is very attached to me, and it breaks her heart if I even look at her with a frown.
     
  4. Highspeedlane

    Highspeedlane NRA Life Member

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    No I haven't, but I feel your pain. Hope it all works out for you man.
     
  5. Smoker

    Smoker

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    Been there done that Rowdy, more than once last time he was in my house there was 5 cops there. I couldn't afford his habits!!!
     
  6. Hamguy

    Hamguy

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    Not my kid, but my niece. Long, long story. She steals, lies, does drugs, hangs out with scum, has a record at 19 and flunked out of high school. She came around a few months ago looking for money and I told her flat out no. I said I wanted nothing to do with her until she cleans up her life, dumps her loser friends, finishes her GED, and gets right with the law (she has warrants).
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2012
  7. Averageman

    Averageman

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    My Step Son had a Meth habit that ruined at least parts of all of our families lives.
    30K of rehab didn't fix it.
    Throwing him out didn't fix it, it only made me have to go get his skinny butt out of a crack house.
    Stopping it at childhood is the only way, preemptive stikes of a foot up the butt are the cure.
    It only cost about 4 back doors, 50K in electronics traded for dope and 3 felony arrests before his behavior began to change.
     
  8. SonOfMallNinja

    SonOfMallNinja

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    Yes. We put our youngest daughter in Juvie multiple times. In fact, on her 18th birthday, she was transferred from the juvenile facility to the adult county lockup. "Ripping your heart out" is an apt metaphor. There's no other pain quite like it.

    Don't allow your emotional turmoil to cause you to lose sight of the fact that you are doing what is necessary. He'll probably hate you for a while. Let him. He'll grow up at some point.

    Our daughter is now 21, and says we were right to do what we did.
     
  9. Glock20 10mm

    Glock20 10mm Use Linux!

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    Fortunately my kids aren't old enough or dumb enough to go to jail... I guess the fear of dad's size 11 planted in their bottom keeps them out of trouble.

    But I do use "tough love" when needed. My oldest daughter found out that crying only pisses me off more.
     
  10. cowboywannabe

    cowboywannabe you savvy?

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    you can never stop being their parent, but you sure as hell can stop being their keeper.
     
  11. HollowHead

    HollowHead Firm member

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    The most important sentence I ever heard was when I was seventeen and the speakerphone on the Sgt's. desk clearly had my father's voice saying (and I quote), "Keep him in 'till Monday morning and we'll talk." That was 1977, and I haven't even jaywalked since then... HH
     
  12. RowdyatHeart

    RowdyatHeart

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    Thanks Guys. I definitely agree there are a lot of things I should have done when the kid was younger.
     
  13. dango

    dango

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    My son hated me from the age of 16-20 years old. Hard love is hard but it is love all the same.This may be a life changer for the best. Hang in there cause I know how you question your self.

    PS My kid is 27 and living in Oakland with his own little business and calls every other day.Can't say how proud of him I am .
     
  14. jame

    jame I don't even know....what I'm doing here....

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    Yep.

    Best I don't share so much, though. Good luck, and God bless.

    That's all.
     
  15. G-Lock808

    G-Lock808

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    Just goes to show, no matter how you raise them, or what values you instill in them, they can still screw it up.

    Funny, if this was a linked news article about another kid screwing up that noone here knew. the parents would get get crapped on. Parent: "but, he was a good boy".....
     
  16. JMS

    JMS 02

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    Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom and realize the costs of their actions before they start to change. Bailing him out only reinforces his behavior.

    Better now then waiting for the felonies to begin.
     
  17. dango

    dango

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    I don't agree. You can't follow your kids 24-7 and there are influences you just don't see coming sometimes.I don't care how much you love and how you raise them,some times things happen.
     
  18. glock_collector

    glock_collector

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    I dont know how my kid turned out so well, he is a good person. Maybe luck, I'm not sure but as I have said before...how many parents will and do trust their kid with their life? I start a 60 ft repel with the knot my kid tied and without hesitation. I hope the best for the poster, I know that a great kid is in there just need to get'em out.
     
  19. RowdyatHeart

    RowdyatHeart

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    I let him sit in a cell with two felons and one other misdemeanor offender for a week. At visitation tonight, he told me he wished he could do his high school all over again.

    One of his cellies hammered home to him all week about stopping the course he is on and turning it around while he still can.

    His bail has been worded so if he does not obey my rules and the court rules, he will be re-arrested. He starts intense therapy tomorrow.

    His fate is in his hands. He can work through his misdemeanor charge and get his life back in order but it is up to him.

    Thanks for the good advice from everyone.
     
  20. DWARREN123

    DWARREN123 Grumpy Old Guy Silver Member

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    You have to do the right thing no matter how much it hurts.