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Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, May 21, 2007.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    For those of you who aren't familiar with tornadoes and are hearing news
    coverage of this, here is a short glossary to help you understand.

    Fujita Scale: Scale used to measure wind speeds of a tornado and their

    F1: Laughable little string of wind unless it comes through your house,
    then enough to make your insurance company drop you like a brick. People
    enjoy standing on their porches to watch this kind.

    F2: Strong enough to blow your car into your house, unless of course you
    drive an Expedition and live in a mobile home, then strong enough to blow
    your house into your car.

    F3: Will pick your house and your Expedition up and move you to the other
    side of town.

    F4: Usually ranging from 1/2 to a full mile wide, this tornado can turn an
    Expedition into a Pinto, then gift wrap it in a semi truck.

    F5: The Mother of all Tornadoes, you might as well stand on your front
    porch and watch it, because it's probably going to be quite a last sight.

    F6: The reason why all the tornado movies in 1999 were really lookeddown
    upon in Oklahoma. This bad tornado will rip the roof off your house but
    leave your $3000 china cabinet unharmed. It will rip out your oven and sling
    it halfway down the street but leave the macaroni and cheese still
    piping-hot on the kitchen table for you. It will tear out the wall to your
    bedroom and pull out all of your kinky underwear for all of the neighbors to
    see in your backyard. Don't worry too much though because although it does
    come with winds in major excess of 300 miles an hour, there has only been
    one and Oklahomans were made fun of it for years about telling everyone how
    it sounded. Also known as May 3rd, state holiday. Everyone gets in

    their house after work or school and locks themselves in the bathroom for
    hours. You won't see them again until May 5 when they come out starving and
    35 pounds lighter.

    Meteorologist: A rather soft-spoken, mild-mannered type person until severe
    weather strikes, and they start yelling at you through the t.v.: "GET TO

    Storm Chaser: Meteorologist-rejects who are pretty much insane but get us
    really cool pictures of tornadoes. We release them from the mental
    institution every time it starts thundering, just to see what they'll do.

    Tranquilizer: What you have to give any dog or cat who lived through the
    May 3rd, 1999 tornado every time it storms or they tear your whole house up
    freaking out of their minds.

    Moore, Oklahoma: A favorite gathering place for tornadoes. They like to meet
    here and do a little partying before stretching out across the rest of the

    Bathtub: Best place to seek shelter in the middle of a tornado, mostly
    because after you're covered with debris, you can quickly wash off and come
    out looking great .

    Severe Weather Radio: A handy device that sends out messages from the
    National Weather Service during a storm, though quite disconcerting because
    the high-pitched, shrill noise just as an alarm sounds suspiciously just
    like a tornado. Plus the guy reading the report just sounds creepy.

    Tornado Siren: A system the city spent millions to install, which is really
    useful, unless there's a storm or a tornado, because then of course you
    can't hear them.

    Storm Cellar: A great place to go during a tornado, as it is almost 100%
    safe, though weigh your options carefully, as most are not cared for and are
    homes to rats and snakes.

    May-June: Tourist season in Oklahoma, when people who are tired of bungee
    jumping and diving out of airplanes decide it might be fun to chase a
    tornado. These people usually end up on Fear Factor.

    Barometric Pressure: Nobody really knows what this is, but when it drops a
    lot of pregnant wom en go into labor, which makes for exciting moments as
    their husbands are trying to drive them to the hospital and dodge tornadoes
    at the same time.

    Cars: The worst place to be during a tornado (next to a mobile home). Yes,
    you can out run a tornado in your car...unless everybody on the road decides
    to do the same thing, and then you're in grid-lock.

    A Ditch: Supposedly where you're supposed to go if you find yourself without
    shelter or in your car during a tornado. Theoretically the tornado is
    supposed to pass right over you, but since it can lift a 20 ton truck and
    up-root a three hundred year old tree, bet your life on out-running it in a

    Mobile Home: Most people are convinced mobile homes send off some strange
    signal that triggers tornadoes, because if there's one mobile home park in a
    hundred mile radius, the tornado will find it.

    Earthquake: What any Californian would rather go through on any scale of
    severity than face a tornado.

    Tornado: What any Oklahoman would rather go through on any scale of severity
    than face an earthquake.

    Twister: Slang for 'tornado' and also the title to a movie starring Helen
    Hunt, which incidentally everyone thought was corny and unrealistic until
    May 3rd, 1999.

    Power Flash: One of the most reliable ways to track a tornado at night, it's
    the term used when the tornado hits a power line and a bright light flashes.
    It's also the emotion experienced by meteorologists when they get to make
    the call to interrupt Prime-Time Must-see t.v. and a million dollars worth
    of advertising to track a storm for viewers.

    Here are some phrases you might want to learn and be familiar with:

    "We'll have your electricity restored in 24 hours," which means it'll be a

    "We're going to be out for a week, so buy a lot of supplies and an expensive
    generator," means it's going to be on in twelve hours, probably as soon as
    you return from Wal-Mart.

    "It's a little muggy today." Get outta town. It's getting ready to storm.

    "There's just a slight chance of severe weather today, so go ahead and make
    your outdoor plans." Ha. Ha Ha Ha Ha.

    And the BIG TIP of the day:

    When your electricity goes out, and you go to bed at night, be sure to turn
    off everything that was on before it went out, or when it is unexpectedly
    restored in the middle of the night, every light, every computer, your
    dishwasher, your blow dryer, your washing machine, your microwave and your
    fans will all come on all at once.

    1) You'll just about have a heart attack when they all come on at the same
    time, waking you from a dead sleep.

    And 2) Your breakers will blow, leaving you in the dark once again.
  2. As a storm spotter and not a storm chaser, yes there is a difference, I found this very amusing and somewhat true.

    How can a tornado go between 2 houses and totally destroy one and just damage the other? ( Not always true, but I have seen it happen)

    Wind speed on the 3 o'clock side of the tornado is increased due to the added speed of the moving tornado and wind speed on the 9 o'clock side is decreased due to the wind blowing in the opposite direction of the moving tornado.

    There is another line that I don't like to hear: "567, you might want to move half-a-mile to the ......"

    Its that time of year again???:banana: