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Tombstones

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Mrs Glockrunner, Sep 11, 2013.

  1. Born 1903-Died 1942​
    Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the​
    car was on the way down. It was.​
    ******************************​
    In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:​
    Here lies an Atheist​
    All dressed up​
    And no place to go.​
    ******************************​
    In a London, England cemetery:​
    Here lies Ann Mann,​
    Who lived an old maid​
    But died an old Mann.​
    Dec. 8, 1767​
    ****************************​
    In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:​
    Anna Wallace:​
    The children of Israel wanted bread,​
    And the Lord sent them manna.​
    Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,​
    And the Devil sent him Anna.​
    ******************************​
    In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:​
    Here lies Johnny Yeast. .​
    Pardon me​
    For not rising.​
    ******************************​
    In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:​
    Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.​
    Stepped on the gas​
    Instead of the brake.​
    ******************************​
    In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:​
    Here lays The Kid.​
    We planted him raw.​
    He was quick on the trigger​
    But slow on the draw.​
    ****************************​
    A lawyer's epitaph in England:​
    Sir John Strange. .​
    Here lies an honest lawyer,​
    And that is Strange.​
    *****************************​
    John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:​
    Reader, if cash thou art​
    In want of any,​
    Dig 6 feet deep;​
    And thou wilt find a Penny.​
    *****************************​
    In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:​
    On the 22nd of June,​
    Jonathan Fiddle​
    Went out of tune.​
    *****************************​
    Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont​
    Here lies the body of our Anna -​
    Done to death by a banana.​
    It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,​
    But the skin of the thing that made her go.​
    ******************************​
    On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:​
    Under the sod and under the trees,​
    Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.​
    He is not here, there's only the pod.​
    Pease shelled out and went to God​
    *****************************​
    In a cemetery in England:​
    Remember man, as you walk by,​
    As you are now, so once was I.​
    As I am now, you soon will be.​
    Prepare yourself and follow me.​
    To which someone replied by writing on the​
    tombstone:​
    To follow you I'll not consent​
    Until I know which way you went​
    ******************************​
    Last add, from Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:​
    Here lies Lester Moore​
    One slug from a 44​
    No Les​
    No More​
     
  2. 1955mercury

    1955mercury

    435
    0
    Nov 30, 2011
    I know my reply isn't funny, but Ricky Scaggs said he wanted "Return to Sender" carved on his tombstone. I thought that was about the best inscription I had ever heard for a tombstone.
     


  3. Brian Lee

    Brian Lee Drop those nuts

    9,539
    427
    Jul 28, 2008
    Up a tree.
    Actually, If I remember right, it's "4 slugs from a 44".
     
  4. janice6

    janice6 Silver Member

    31,031
    11,587
    Apr 4, 2006
    minnesota
    "Beneath this stone a virgin lies, for her life held no terrors. Born a virgin, died a virgin, no hits, no runs, no errors."