1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant for good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays. 2. We sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in California. 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time," she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. When we go to the shopping mall, we always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because she thought there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She said, "In the lake." 7. Before you take the leap into matrimony, remember this: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 8. In fact, statistically 100 percent of all divorces start with marriage. 9. As for myself, I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 10. I haven't spoken to my wife in almost a year. I don't like to interrupt her. 11. I'll admit the last fuss we had was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I answered, "Dust!"