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This one ought to get me in biiiiiiiiig trouble

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Santa CruZin, Jan 15, 2003.

  1. Santa CruZin

    Santa CruZin RIP Mr. Mayor

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    Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are
    now available for women on the following subjects:

    1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
    2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
    3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
    4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After The Game
    5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
    6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
    7. Communication Skills I: Tears -- The Last Resort, not the First.
    8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
    9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging
    10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
    11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
    12. Introduction to Parking
    13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
    14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
    15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs, and Butter
    16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
    17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
    18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
    19. PMS: Your Problem... Not His
    20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
    21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Own
    22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
    23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
    24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
    25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
     
  2. WolfmanGK

    WolfmanGK Super Plump

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  3. TEAK

    TEAK 1*

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  4. Canuke

    Canuke Resident Alien

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    Communication Skills IV: The Miracle of Plain English
     
  5. allhowl

    allhowl

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    Please let me know where mine can enroll for all of the above!!! :)
     
  6. Ghosty

    Ghosty Free American

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    Ahhh...that list is a work of art...:)
     
  7. geminicricket

    geminicricket NRA Life member

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    SantaC, that list was a waste of my time.

    But anyway, how's the wagon ride for you?

    Every surface inside my house is caked with accumulated dust because my wife never dusts.
    I don't either, but we made an agreement when we married that I would do the outside work and she would do the inside work. We never agreed upon consequences, but the consequences are that we've each developed allergies to household dust. I leave each day and she stays there and thinks she's got some kind of chronic feel-sorry-for-me disease. I don't have the kindness to tell her that she's in a self-made handbasket.
    So, I cook if I want a meal.
    I wash if I want clean.
    I vacuum the floors if I want them clean, and shampoo them if I want stains a lighter shade of black.
    And she tells her friends that I abuse the children and oppress her. Oy. All I do is work
    my butt off to keep her fat ass in front of a television and she runs to momma whenever I accidentally notice that the sty is particularly piggish on occasion.
     
  8. Santa CruZin

    Santa CruZin RIP Mr. Mayor

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    Geez laweez. My wife needs wet-nursing, but not on that scale. I don't want to imply any ideas, but I don't know if I could do the work of both spouses AND take accusations of child abuse.

    The wagon ride is going well, thanks. I've hit a couple ruts, but I never thought it would be a perfect or easy ride.
     
  9. prpbmw

    prpbmw Millennium Member

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    Forward this list to your significant other at your own risk.
     
  10. Rebeldon

    Rebeldon

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    26. Mental Telepathy: No, he can't read your mind.
     
  11. TKM

    TKM Shiny Member Lifetime Member

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    Just another ball of mud.
    G.C. why for you go home, bro? As my Samoan friends used to say.
     
  12. GlocksRock

    GlocksRock No California

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    Splendid, you deserve a ;c for that one.
     
  13. gwalchmai

    gwalchmai Lucky Member

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    I bet if you send that list to your wife you'll find they can master item #1 very quickly. ;)
     
  14. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Thats top notch stuff man;f
     
  15. Alex_Knight

    Alex_Knight

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    Let's see.

    If we rearrange the letters in SANTA's name we come up with.........





    SATAN.............





    Pretty funny stuff Santa ! ! ! ! !
     
  16. Dogman

    Dogman Getting Senior

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    Communication Skills V: Beyond "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you"
     
  17. BruceH

    BruceH

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    Bathroom Etiquette #3: You too can learn to lower the seat.
     
  18. Santa CruZin

    Santa CruZin RIP Mr. Mayor

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    Aren't you tired of coal, year after year?
     
  19. Alex_Knight

    Alex_Knight

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    Right behind you.



    I never learn, do I ? ? ?



    ;f ;f ;f