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This one ought to get me in biiiiiiiiig trouble

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Santa CruZin, Jan 15, 2003.


  1. Santa CruZin

    Santa CruZin
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    RIP Mr. Mayor

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2000
    9,176
    260
    Location:
    at your moms
    Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are
    now available for women on the following subjects:

    1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
    2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
    3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
    4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After The Game
    5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
    6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
    7. Communication Skills I: Tears -- The Last Resort, not the First.
    8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
    9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging
    10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
    11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
    12. Introduction to Parking
    13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
    14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
    15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs, and Butter
    16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
    17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
    18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
    19. PMS: Your Problem... Not His
    20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
    21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Own
    22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
    23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
    24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
    25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
     

    Wanna kill these ads? We can help!
  2. WolfmanGK

    WolfmanGK
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    Super Plump

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2000
    1,737
    0
    Location:
    Northern Dakota
    LOL!!! Splendid!
     

  3. TEAK

    TEAK
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    1*

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2002
    254
    0
    Location:
    ALABAMA
    ;i ;i ;i
     
  4. Canuke

    Canuke
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    Resident Alien

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2001
    269
    0
    Location:
    Las Vegas, NV
    Communication Skills IV: The Miracle of Plain English
     
  5. allhowl

    allhowl
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    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2001
    225
    0
    Location:
    NE Okla.
    Please let me know where mine can enroll for all of the above!!! :)
     
  6. Ghosty

    Ghosty
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    Free American

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2002
    619
    0
    Location:
    America
    Ahhh...that list is a work of art...:)
     
  7. geminicricket

    geminicricket
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    NRA Life member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2001
    6,549
    18
    Location:
    Lewisville, TX USA
    SantaC, that list was a waste of my time.

    But anyway, how's the wagon ride for you?

    Every surface inside my house is caked with accumulated dust because my wife never dusts.
    I don't either, but we made an agreement when we married that I would do the outside work and she would do the inside work. We never agreed upon consequences, but the consequences are that we've each developed allergies to household dust. I leave each day and she stays there and thinks she's got some kind of chronic feel-sorry-for-me disease. I don't have the kindness to tell her that she's in a self-made handbasket.
    So, I cook if I want a meal.
    I wash if I want clean.
    I vacuum the floors if I want them clean, and shampoo them if I want stains a lighter shade of black.
    And she tells her friends that I abuse the children and oppress her. Oy. All I do is work
    my butt off to keep her fat ass in front of a television and she runs to momma whenever I accidentally notice that the sty is particularly piggish on occasion.
     
  8. Santa CruZin

    Santa CruZin
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    RIP Mr. Mayor

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2000
    9,176
    260
    Location:
    at your moms
    Geez laweez. My wife needs wet-nursing, but not on that scale. I don't want to imply any ideas, but I don't know if I could do the work of both spouses AND take accusations of child abuse.

    The wagon ride is going well, thanks. I've hit a couple ruts, but I never thought it would be a perfect or easy ride.
     
  9. prpbmw

    prpbmw
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    Millennium Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 1999
    61
    0
    Location:
    Western PA
    Forward this list to your significant other at your own risk.
     
  10. Rebeldon

    Rebeldon
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    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    514
    0
    Location:
    Jacksonville, Florida
    26. Mental Telepathy: No, he can't read your mind.
     
  11. TKM

    TKM
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    Shiny Member
    Lifetime Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2000
    1,648
    27
    Location:
    Just another ball of mud.
    G.C. why for you go home, bro? As my Samoan friends used to say.
     
  12. GlocksRock

    GlocksRock
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    No California

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2000
    937
    0
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Splendid, you deserve a ;c for that one.
     
  13. gwalchmai

    gwalchmai
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    Lucky Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    24,057
    600
    Location:
    Outside the perimeter
    I bet if you send that list to your wife you'll find they can master item #1 very quickly. ;)
     
  14. okie

    okie
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    GT Mayor

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    64,670
    1,525
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Thats top notch stuff man;f
     
  15. Alex_Knight

    Alex_Knight
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    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    4,194
    77
    Location:
    Right behind you.
    Let's see.

    If we rearrange the letters in SANTA's name we come up with.........





    SATAN.............





    Pretty funny stuff Santa ! ! ! ! !
     
  16. Dogman

    Dogman
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    Getting Senior

    Joined:
    May 6, 2000
    358
    0
    Location:
    OH
    Communication Skills V: Beyond "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you"
     
  17. BruceH

    BruceH
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    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2000
    9
    0
    Location:
    Ft. Smith, AR, USA
    Bathroom Etiquette #3: You too can learn to lower the seat.
     
  18. Santa CruZin

    Santa CruZin
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    RIP Mr. Mayor

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2000
    9,176
    260
    Location:
    at your moms


    Aren't you tired of coal, year after year?
     
  19. Alex_Knight

    Alex_Knight
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    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    4,194
    77
    Location:
    Right behind you.



    I never learn, do I ? ? ?



    ;f ;f ;f