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This one ought to get me in biiiiiiiiig trouble

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Santa CruZin, Jan 15, 2003.

  1. Santa CruZin

    Santa CruZin RIP Mr. Mayor

    Jun 19, 2000
    at your moms
    Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are
    now available for women on the following subjects:

    1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
    2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
    3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
    4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After The Game
    5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
    6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
    7. Communication Skills I: Tears -- The Last Resort, not the First.
    8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
    9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging
    10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
    11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
    12. Introduction to Parking
    13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
    14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
    15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs, and Butter
    16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
    17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
    18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
    19. PMS: Your Problem... Not His
    20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
    21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Own
    22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
    23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
    24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
    25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
  2. WolfmanGK

    WolfmanGK Super Plump

    Oct 7, 2000
    Northern Dakota

  3. TEAK

    TEAK 1*

    Nov 8, 2002
  4. Canuke

    Canuke Resident Alien

    Oct 21, 2001
    Las Vegas, NV
    Communication Skills IV: The Miracle of Plain English
  5. allhowl


    Dec 16, 2001
    NE Okla.
    Please let me know where mine can enroll for all of the above!!! :)
  6. Ghosty

    Ghosty Free American

    Dec 19, 2002
    Ahhh...that list is a work of art...:)
  7. geminicricket

    geminicricket NRA Life member

    Apr 26, 2001
    Lewisville, TX USA
    SantaC, that list was a waste of my time.

    But anyway, how's the wagon ride for you?

    Every surface inside my house is caked with accumulated dust because my wife never dusts.
    I don't either, but we made an agreement when we married that I would do the outside work and she would do the inside work. We never agreed upon consequences, but the consequences are that we've each developed allergies to household dust. I leave each day and she stays there and thinks she's got some kind of chronic feel-sorry-for-me disease. I don't have the kindness to tell her that she's in a self-made handbasket.
    So, I cook if I want a meal.
    I wash if I want clean.
    I vacuum the floors if I want them clean, and shampoo them if I want stains a lighter shade of black.
    And she tells her friends that I abuse the children and oppress her. Oy. All I do is work
    my butt off to keep her fat ass in front of a television and she runs to momma whenever I accidentally notice that the sty is particularly piggish on occasion.
  8. Santa CruZin

    Santa CruZin RIP Mr. Mayor

    Jun 19, 2000
    at your moms
    Geez laweez. My wife needs wet-nursing, but not on that scale. I don't want to imply any ideas, but I don't know if I could do the work of both spouses AND take accusations of child abuse.

    The wagon ride is going well, thanks. I've hit a couple ruts, but I never thought it would be a perfect or easy ride.
  9. prpbmw

    prpbmw Millennium Member

    Jan 5, 1999
    Western PA
    Forward this list to your significant other at your own risk.
  10. 26. Mental Telepathy: No, he can't read your mind.
  11. TKM

    TKM Shiny Member Lifetime Member

    G.C. why for you go home, bro? As my Samoan friends used to say.
  12. GlocksRock

    GlocksRock No California

    Jan 29, 2000
    North Carolina
    Splendid, you deserve a ;c for that one.
  13. gwalchmai

    gwalchmai Lucky Member

    Jan 9, 2002
    Outside the perimeter
    I bet if you send that list to your wife you'll find they can master item #1 very quickly. ;)
  14. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    Thats top notch stuff man;f
  15. Let's see.

    If we rearrange the letters in SANTA's name we come up with.........


    Pretty funny stuff Santa ! ! ! ! !
  16. Dogman

    Dogman Getting Senior

    May 6, 2000
    Communication Skills V: Beyond "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you"
  17. BruceH


    Mar 27, 2000
    Ft. Smith, AR, USA
    Bathroom Etiquette #3: You too can learn to lower the seat.
  18. Santa CruZin

    Santa CruZin RIP Mr. Mayor

    Jun 19, 2000
    at your moms

    Aren't you tired of coal, year after year?

  19. I never learn, do I ? ? ?

    ;f ;f ;f