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The College Food Chain

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Sep 15, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    64,670
    1,533
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    The College Food Chain


    THE DEAN
    Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
    Is more powerful than a locomotive
    Is faster than a speeding bullet
    Walks on water
    Gives policy to God

    THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
    Leaps short buildings in a single bound
    Is more powerful than a switch engine
    Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
    Talks with God

    PROFESSOR
    Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
    Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
    Is faster than a speeding BB
    Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
    Talks with God if a special request is honored

    ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
    Barely clears a quonset hut
    Loses tug of war with a locomotive
    Can fire a speeding bullet
    Swims well
    Is occassionally addressed by God

    ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
    Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
    Is run over by locomotives
    Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
    Treads water
    Talks to animals

    INSTRUCTOR
    Climbs walls continually
    Rides the rails
    Plays Russian Roulette
    Walks on thin ice
    Prays a lot

    GRADUATE STUDENT
    Runs into buildings
    Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
    Is not issued ammunition
    Can stay afloat with a life jacket
    Talks to walls

    UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
    Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
    Says "Look at the choo-choo"
    Wets himself with a water pistol
    Plays in mud puddles
    Mumbles to himself

    DEPARTMENT SECRETARY
    Lifts buildings and walks under them
    Kicks locomotives off the tracks
    Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them
    Freezes water with a single glance
    She IS God.
     
  2. oldschool

    oldschool

    1
    0
    Feb 9, 2004
    N. KY
    Too True most of the time.
    But every once in a great while when the planets are in alignment a Graduate Student can dethrone a Department Head ;I
    Been there done that got the Sheep Skin & T-shirt from a school thats about to be Ground Zero for Huricane Ivan.