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stories from doctors

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Feb 26, 2003.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

    8,673
    602
    Aug 20, 2002
    Virginia
    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
    have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
    out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
    take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
    were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
    Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX



    At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
    an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
    chest wall.
    "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be,"
    remorsed the patient.



    Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be
    the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
    husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
    Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
    reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
    of a "massive internal fart,"
    Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada



    I was performing a complete physical, including the
    visual acuity test.
    I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
    began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read
    the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a
    flawless read.
    "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
    couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I
    turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I
    had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes
    covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
    Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester,MA.



    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
    his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
    was having trouble with one of his medications.
    "Which one?" I asked.
    "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
    every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
    put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what
    I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty
    patches on his body! Now the instructions include
    removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
    Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA



    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
    asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
    look of complete confusion she answered...."Why, not
    for about twenty years--when my husband was alive."
    Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR



    I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So
    how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
    except for the Kentucky Jelly.
    I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
    replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
    produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
    Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI



    A nurse was on duty in the ER, when a young woman with
    purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
    a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
    entered. It was quickly determined that the patient
    had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
    immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed
    on the operating table, the staff noticed that her
    pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
    a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the
    surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note
    on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to
    mow the lawn."
     

  2. Thanks! I needed a good side spliting belly laugh.
     
  3. doubletap1

    doubletap1 White Devil

    1,648
    0
    Mar 1, 2000
    The Great Southwest
    Had a girlfriend once upon a time whose dad was a doctor. He once asked a woman if she was sexually active. Her reply? "No. I just lay there."
     
  4. Banned@FreeRepu

    Banned@FreeRepu

    3
    0
    Feb 14, 2003
    The funniest stuff I ever get from the net, comes from 2 sources:

    Glocktalk is the 2nd best.

    The best is my brother, Bob -- but his isn't available to everyone.

    Thanks