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Stimulus Check

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Mrs Glockrunner, Feb 28, 2011.

  1. Economic Stimulus Payment...

    This is indeed a very exciting program,
    and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

    Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

    A. It is money that the federal government will
    send to taxpayers.

    Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

    A. From taxpayers.

    Q. So the government is giving me back my
    own money ?

    A. Only a smidgen of it.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

    A. The plan is for you to use the money to
    purchase a high-definition TV set, thus
    stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

    A. Shut up.
    _____________________________________________________

    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help
    the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check
    wisely:

    * If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the
    money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
    * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to
    the Arabs.
    * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India,
    Taiwan or China.
    * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to
    Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
    * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or
    Korea.
    * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
    * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it
    will go to management bonuses and they will
    hide it offshore.

    Instead, keep the money in America by:
    1) Spending it at yard sales, or

    2) Going to ball games, or

    3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

    4) Beer or

    5) Tattoos.

    (These are the only American businesses still
    operating in the U.S. )

    Conclusion:

    Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that
    you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

    No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.