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"something To Offend Everyone..."

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glocker74, Mar 31, 2005.

  1. Glocker74


    Jan 13, 2004
    Here ya go...


    What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Juan on Juan

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
    The position of the dirt bag

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    He walks around saying "Yo."

    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar.

    Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
    They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.

    What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
    They're hiring.

    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
  2. scottlang

    scottlang Millennium Member

    Oct 31, 1999
    The difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral, one less drunk.:joker:

  3. FrEaK_aCcIdEnT


    Mar 24, 2005
    DFW texas
    these are my favorites... but the pillsbury doughboy was the funniest!!!
  4. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    Those are very funny indeed;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z ;z
  5. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster Millennium Member

    Sep 24, 1999
    Hartford, Vermont
    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.

    `l `l `l `l `l `l `l `l `l `l `l `l `l `l `l `l