Social Thread LVII: Who'da thunk it?

Discussion in 'Cop Talk' started by CJStudent, Jul 4, 2012.

  1. lawman800

    lawman800 Juris Glocktor

    You kinda have to get out of bed after you realize what you did.

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  2. RyanNREMTP

    RyanNREMTP Inactive/Banned

    That reminds me too much of this joke I read awhile back:

    Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep sleep. He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph." Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

    St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back: as a chicken." Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

    The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, eh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never," said Ralph. "Well, just relax and let it happen." Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're ****ting the bed!!!"

  3. Woofie

    Woofie Disirregardless
    1. Project Mayhem

    That's also a sign of kidney stones. It's also a sign that you drink way too much water to make sure you never get another kidney stone.
  4. Woofie

    Woofie Disirregardless
    1. Project Mayhem

    I've discovered that sitting down to pee in the middle of the night has two benefits: I get to catch a little nap and it's much easier than convincing my girlfriend that she's the one who peed on the floor in the night.
  5. Hack

    Hack Crazy CO
    Gold Member

    Pita and hummus anyone?

    Just switching the subject for the heck of it. By the way the hummus is good.:supergrin:
  6. RMolina628

    RMolina628 got a job!

    had felafel for lunch
  7. lawman800

    lawman800 Juris Glocktor

    How long do you pee that you can nap while doing it?:wow:
  8. Hack

    Hack Crazy CO
    Gold Member

    Well, I can tell you that I have done that. Sometimes when coming home dog tired I can sit on the porcelain throne, and wake up in the same position.:embarassed:
  9. I've done it myself, actually, though with a defecation, not a urination. Woke up and couldn't move--my legs went to sleep, too. :embarassed: That was, well, "interesting" to extricate myself from, lol.
  10. Hack

    Hack Crazy CO
    Gold Member

    When you do it at around fifty it is better when the seat is cushioned.:rofl:
  11. Horror

    Horror Polizei

    Hallo Kameraden :wavey:
  12. :rofl:
  13. indigent

    indigent Bamboozled

    Seat diameter is important too.
  14. True dat! I'm not a real big guy by any means (5'10", 200lbs), but damn, some seats seem to have been made for midgets or something! :shocked:
  15. Woofie

    Woofie Disirregardless
    1. Project Mayhem

    Elongated toilet bowls are important. Helps to keep your junk from touching the front of the owl if you're seated too far forward.

    ETA That's bowl, not owl. If you're touching an owl with your junk you have other issues.
    #935 Woofie, Oct 5, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2012
  16. Woofie

    Woofie Disirregardless
    1. Project Mayhem

    I don't know if I told you guys about my run in with the kidney stone and the surgery and general anesthesia I had for it, but I drink as much water as I can tolerate most days because I don't want to repeat it.

    Six hours or so of holding it in combined with waking up out of a dead sleep makes for a long pee that is easy to nod back off in the middle of.
  17. Ain't that the truth!

    I can believe it!
  18. lawman800

    lawman800 Juris Glocktor

    Cushioned ones are okay for feels weird.
  19. steveksux

    steveksux Massive Member

    Hey, that owl was BEGGING for it. Did you see the way it was just STARING at my junk????? Freaky, man. Acting all innocent when I called It out. Who???????? Whattya mean who? YOU, m***********, why you starting at me? You want some of this? Say WHO one more time. Go ahead.

    Just saying. Had to be there.


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    #939 steveksux, Oct 6, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2012
  20. oh man I had to laugh at the store while my gf is buying bra's right now lol


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