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Seeking New Suggestions: Things Cops Want People to Know

Discussion in 'Cop Talk' started by TheEggman, Oct 3, 2011.

  1. TheEggman

    TheEggman ( Classified )

    Apr 13, 2002
    Stafford County, VA
    A few examples

    • When a civilian sees a blue light approaching at a high rate of speed he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.
    • Dunkin' donuts has much better coffee than they do doughnuts.
    • When you're driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you don't, go 5 mph's under the speed limit. We are not impressed by how safe of a driver you can be, we're trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass by you, please.
    • If you get a warning instead of a ticket from a motorcycle cop...go buy a lottery ticket, because you've already beaten the odds.
    • When you see an officer conducting a traffic stop, [or with a suspect in handcuffs] it is generally not a good idea to approach him/her and ask for directions. If you do, dont expect the officer to be nice when he/she tells you to get lost, and dont expect the officer to take the time to explain.
    • If a cop causes a car accident we usually get a ticket, and sometimes we get suspended. When is the last time you got 3 days off [without pay] for rear-ending a guy at Wal-mart.
    • If you think you can fan all the pot smoke out of the car before we smell it, good luck.

    More At:


  2. razdog76

    razdog76 Heavy Mettle

    Sep 26, 2007
    CSI and Law & Order is not real, and they are called "dramas" for a reason.

    Pull right, and stopping for emergency vehicles is a vast improvement to locking up the brakes, and stopping in the left lane.
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2011

  3. Dragoon44

    Dragoon44 Unfair Facist Lifetime Member

    Apr 30, 2005
  4. msu_grad_121

    msu_grad_121 BOOSH

    Sep 16, 2009
    NW Burbs
    I don't need to know what happened last week, last month or last year. I need to know why I'm here right now.

    When you take a fighting stance and threaten to kick my teeth in, remember 3 things: 1) this is what I do for a living, and I don't get paid to lose; 2) I have all these pretty toys to help me accomplish #1; and 3) even if you do manage to win, I've got a whole mess of people comin to help me, and they are gonna be PISSED at you! Think it through.
  5. packsaddle


    Jan 15, 2009
    98 percent of the things you call us for are civil matters.

    call a lawyer instead.

    only call us if the other 2 percent of things occur.
  6. Just because someone is found "not guilty" it does not mean that they are "innocent".

    I understand that you are late for work, school, and your child's soccer practice, however it is not my fault that you were speeding and will subsequently be even later than you would be if you had driven the speed limit.

    No I do not know who you are, nor do I care. The same applies for whoever your dad/mom/random relative may be.

    Maybe if you had locked your bike it would not have been stolen.

    No, I do not have anything better to do. Something you have done has caused me to stop what I was doing and devote all of my attention to you.

    If you are kind, courteous, and polite to me, I will gladly return the favor. Yelling and screaming will certainly not win me over.

    and in honor of Halloween- "Hey nice costume" is neither funny, nor original. Chances are it is at least the 10th time I have heard that tonight, so don't be surprised if I don't laugh.
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2011
  7. Rabbi

    Rabbi The Bombdiggity Lifetime Member

    Dec 18, 2004
    San AntonioTexas
    (the rhetorical version...) "You expect me to solve, right now, a problem you took a lifetime to create?" (not mine but I like it)

    Also, do NOT use me as a tool to scare your kids over trivial stuff. "If you dont eat your veggies, I am going to get him to take you to jail...."(as dad points to me as I am just eating as well)

    If you know ( my boss, the Mayor, the Pope...) Then you should have no problem getting out of this ticket. Good luck with is your ticket.

    I didnt cause this problem. You, breaking the law, did.

    I am out fighting "real crime"...I was searching everywhere for a crime. You (doing what you did) was what I found.

    The law applies to you...this time, right now...really.

    ...I told you if you didnt do/stop doing (x) I AM going to take you to jail. THAT is why you are going to jail...

    You had your warning when you learned the traffic laws in order to obtain a DL...this is your ticket for not taking that warning seriously.

    (and as a joke)...I am busy, I am investigating a murder and a rape...(A muder and a rape?!?)...yes, I am killing time and fornicating the city!
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2011
  8. scottydl


    May 31, 2005
    The Middle
    (1) We do not run lights/siren to every call for service. This is real life, not TV. Covert approaches are often preferred for many reasons.

    (2) As a follow-up to (1), don't assume you have just witnessed a traffic cover-up if you see a squad car flip on lights to proceed through a red light and then immediately turn the lights back off after clearing the intersection. That's called efficient response.

    (3) Cop jokes told by non-cops are only funny to you, the non-cop.

    (4) You get the last word, I get the last act.

  9. When I win the Gazillionaire lottery, I'm gonna put public service ads on every tv channel for a month. Telling people exactly that.
  10. lwt210


    Nov 28, 2001
    If you want a picture of me eating something for your church scavenger hunt, you will have a better chance of success with a t-bone steak and shrimps than you will with a doughnut.
  11. rookie1


    Mar 3, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2011
  12. badlands99


    Mar 19, 2009
    I'm not in law enforcement, but I learned this on a ride-along...

    *If your city has a crime problem, you can thank the courts and your district attorneys. Don't blame the police. They catch, the courts release. And that's apparently stuck on repeat in my city (Charlotte, NC).
  13. Pro 2A

    Pro 2A

    Aug 30, 2011
    This is my beat, I drive it almost every day. I know what the traffic signs are... yes, there really IS a no left turn sign back there and yes, you turned left. No, I will not follow you back to the intersection so you can show me that there is no sign.

    Thank-you for realising that I DON'T get paid enough to deal with attitudes from the dregs of society, drunks puking in my back seat, unpredictable people off their medications, people who want to kill me (or want me to kill them), nasty crime scenes, lack of sleep from rotating shifts and the drama at the station between fellow officers and from the supervisors when the s**t from above rolls down hill.
  14. Pro 2A

    Pro 2A

    Aug 30, 2011
    Just come along quietly and you can be back on the streets before I finish my paperwork at the jail. If you fight with me, you'll only add a trip to the hospital and I'll be home before you get out of lockup.
  15. herky


    Sep 16, 2005
    Please, Please stop saying:

    "The police are here for ya Bob"

    "There here to arrest ya"

    "I didn't do it"

    "he did it"

    every time I walk in somewhere.
  16. GunFighter45ACP


    Jun 11, 2005
    D/FW, TX
    I don't determine if you're guilty/innocent, the court does. Either way, because of your actions, I'm just arranging the meeting. And now, in the interests of both your and my safety...
  17. IGotIt

    IGotIt No Demlibtards

    Aug 20, 2011
    On The Edge
    We get a 30 minute lunch break. Would you wait until I finish eating before you ask me about your friends ticket he received two weeks ago?

    What constitutes an emergency on your part, does not necessarily constitute an emergency on my part.
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2011
  18. Pro 2A

    Pro 2A

    Aug 30, 2011
    Did the dispatchers actually honor the 30 minute break? If there was any break at all, I swear the dispatchers had cameras in the restaurants so they could time their urgent call to when your food had just arrived. I mostly ate fast food in my car while going from one call to the next. Same thing with bathroom stalls- most inconvienient time is when an urgent call would come in!

  19. pac201


    Nov 12, 2007
    Let's not forget that everyone (that isn't a cop) knows how to do the job better than you do...

    And I will steal this one from a friend; everybody wants to be the police, but only when it's convenient for them...
  20. IGotIt

    IGotIt No Demlibtards

    Aug 20, 2011
    On The Edge
    You are correct. There was many times I get a "2-12 cancel your code and make 1234 Oak st We have a (whatever)in progress and no one else available.

    Bathrooms-always at the station so I could say "on the way from the station" when the call was dispatched.