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"Rodney Dangerfield"

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockdude1, Jun 24, 2011.

  1. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    May 24, 2000
    "Rodney Dangerfield"

    - A girl phoned me & said, ‘Come on over.
    There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!

    - A hooker once told me she had a headache.

    - I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

    - If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

    - I was making love to this girl & she started crying I said,
    ‘Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?’
    She said, ‘No, I hate myself now.’

    - I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger.
    That’s when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her
    head comes off.

    - I knew a girl so ugly... They use her in prisons
    to cure sex offenders.

    - I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window &
    got arrested for mooning.

    - The other day I came home & a guy was jogging, naked.
    I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’

    - My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.
    Last night she used me to time an egg.

    - My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in
    the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

    - My wife is such a bad cook, in my house
    we pray after the meal.

    - My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex.
    She called me from Chicago last night.

    - Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing
    a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

    - My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy,
    I wouldn’t have had anything to play with......

  2. Nicko


    Apr 13, 2007
    Virginia Beach, VA
    :notworthy::supergrin: Greatest of all time.

  3. srprex


    Sep 29, 2010
    I never tire of the self-depreciating Rodney Dangerfield jokes!

  4. 2-8 Marine

    2-8 Marine Limp Member

    Oct 30, 2009
    My favorite: A guy pulled a knife on me yesterday but I wasn't scared, I knew he was an amature . . . it was a butter knife.