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Quantes Airlines

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Sep 3, 2002.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    The following are logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.
    (Problem stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and
    Response stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.)

    PROBLEM: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    RESPONSE: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    PROBLEM: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    RESPONSE: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

    PROBLEM: Something loose in cockpit.
    RESPONSE: Something tightened in cockpit.

    PROBLEM: Dead bugs on windshield.
    RESPONSE: Live bugs on backorder.

    PROBLEM: AutoPilot; in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
    RESPONSE: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    PROBLEM: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    RESPONSE: Evidence removed.

    PROBLEM: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    RESPONSE: DME volume set to more believable level.

    PROBLEM: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    RESPONSE: That's what they're there for!

    PROBLEM: IFF inoperative.
    RESPONSE: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    PROBLEM: Suspected crack in windscreen.
    RESPONSE: Suspect you're right.

    PROBLEM: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined
    airplane; the Pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
    RESPONSE: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    PROBLEM: Aircraft handles funny.
    RESPONSE: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    PROBLEM: Radar hums.
    RESPONSE: Reprogrammed radar with words.

    PROBLEM: Mouse in cockpit.
    RESPONSE: Cat installed

  2. smith10

    smith10 10MM WOOOOOOT

    Jul 25, 2002
    southwest Pa.

  3. AC37

    AC37 SystemicAnomaly

    Dec 12, 2000
    Provo, UT
    Lol! ;f ;a ;i
  4. tollertwins


    Apr 20, 2002
    Houston, TX
    Maybe I DON"T want to fly to the south pacific!;P ;P
  5. WolfmanGK

    WolfmanGK Super Plump

    Oct 7, 2000
    Northern Dakota
    That always makes me laugh!
  6. Ninja Monkey

    Ninja Monkey

    May 12, 2001
    I dunno if I'd want to fly Quantas if they need an IFF on commercial passenger planes. ;P
  7. larry_minn

    larry_minn Silver Member Millennium Member

    Dec 16, 1999
    Sounds like U-Haul tactics. I rented a truck. "I know but no choice as the Ryder truck was a no show for two days after my planned load date."
    Anyway I got the AC fixed and truck worked fairly well. Lousy milage "4.5mpg" but when I turned it in I gave a gripe sheet.
    Windshild washer pump did not activate. Wiper only works on low. Leak in cab on Pass side. Transmission shifts hard into third and very late going into second.
    They just pulled the truck from one way service and made it a local truck only. Didn't check ANYTHING. Odds are $150 would fix it. If it had gotten fair milage I would have made them a offer on it. The AC was DARN COLD even in FL so had to put fan on low/med and didn't leave selector on cold.
    I just wanted it to be a better truck for the next person and instead it is now only used locally where the trans problems will be more noticable and harder on it. I.E. once on interstate no problems just after pulling off and getting gas.