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Posted to Craig's List Personals:

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by VANMAN, Jan 16, 2009.



    Jul 18, 2002
    Long Island
    Posted to Craig's List Personals:

    To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)

    I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I
    hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.

    You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

    I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
    I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you
    took my jacket.

    Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening and it
    wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that
    Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas and we had just picked up a
    shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very
    intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

    I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
    you'd come from with that brown stinking sludge flopping about in your
    pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your
    shoes, cell phone and wallet with me.

    I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try
    to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma"
    as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your

    I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of
    the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash
    in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

    I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your
    bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down
    the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
    don't know what's going on with that.

    I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to
    make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

    So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you
    did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to

    I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.
    I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What
    brand did you use and was it liquid or powder?

    I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
    walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice
    of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this
    message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
  2. Norman

    Norman Non nobis CLM

    Oct 29, 2004

    I have to remember about the phone and wallet if I ever get mugged and turn the tables on them. Ha!