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Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Nowhere Man, Jan 7, 2006.

  1. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man

    May 22, 2003
    North Port, FL
    > You thought police officers didn't have a sense of
    > humor. The following were taken off of actual police
    > car videos around the country:
    > #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're
    > new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
    > #14 "Take your hands off the car and I'll make your
    > birth certificate a worthless document."
    > #13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
    > #12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?
    > In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of
    > a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
    > #11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I
    > guess that means I can write anything I want on the
    > ticket, huh?"
    > #10 "Yes, Sir; you can talk to the shift supervisor,
    > but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention
    > that I am the shift supervisor?"
    > #9 "Warning? You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning
    > you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
    > #8 "The answer to this last question will determine
    > whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a
    > cat or a dog?"
    > #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is
    > a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton
    > candy, and step in monkey dung."
    > #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my
    > wife gets a toaster oven."
    > #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through
    > NCIC."
    > #4 "Just how big were those two beers?"
    > #3 "No, sir; we don't have quotas anymore. We used
    > to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as
    > many tickets as we want."
    > #2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good
    > personal friend of yours. At least you know
    > someone who can post your bail."
    > #1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
    > You're right, we don't. Sign here."
  2. ewert

    ewert Glockin' Winger