close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

Parents out there... Advice for a first-timer, please!

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by PrincessCelica, Apr 29, 2012.

  1. PrincessCelica

    PrincessCelica

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    2,322
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Glocktopia
    I'm trying to teach my 8 month old to self soothe herself to sleep instead of falling asleep nursing in an effort to get her to sleep better at night. She's waking me up every 2-4 hours and won't go back down until she's fed. She's old enough she shouldn't need to eat at night.

    I've been checking in on her every 5 minutes for the past 20 minutes and she's still screaming her head off every time I leave the room. At what point do I give up, conclude she must not be tired, and pick her up?

    I'm starting to feel like all I'm doing is upsetting us both. :crying:
     
  2. PrincessCelica

    PrincessCelica

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    2,322
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Glocktopia
    Some background that might be helpful. This girl is not very scheduled. She doesn't wake up at the same time. She isn't fed at the same time. She doesn't nap at the same time. She does these things over the same general time periods, but you by no means can set a clock to them. Part of this is because we as parents haven't set her a schedule, and part is because she may have 4-5 different adults watching her.

    I work Monday through Thursday. I have no idea what her daddy does with her during the days I work. Often lately, he's been dropping her off with his mom so he can help his brother work on his place. I seriously have no clue what her grandma does with her. I only know how I handle her over the weekend and I'll admit that I don't always have a consistent schedule for her.

    The reason I say this is I am having issues telling whether she's crying because she's not tired and wants out or if she's tired and mad I'm not nursing, rocking, etc her to sleep.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2012

  3. JoeCitizen

    JoeCitizen

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2009
    Messages:
    1,272
    Likes Received:
    706
    The first thing that comes to mind is hunger. If you are still breast/formula feeding only, try a little baby cereal at the last feeding before what you concider bed time. And try the cereal before the liquid while baby is hungry. By 8 months liquid alone isn't enough to get them very far, certainly not through the night.
     
  4. PrincessCelica

    PrincessCelica

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    2,322
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Glocktopia
    She is on solids and in fact I just fed her a jar of sweet potatoes before trying to get her to nap.
     
  5. robin303

    robin303 Helicopter Nut

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,760
    Likes Received:
    444
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    Well she is still pretty young. My poor wife had that duty almost every two hours for quite a long time. I did help out in bottle feeding, changing diapers and giving hers baths. I wish I could be more help. :dunno:
     
  6. JoeCitizen

    JoeCitizen

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2009
    Messages:
    1,272
    Likes Received:
    706
    You say she starts crying when you check on her. Are you going in even if she is quiet or at least down to simple fussing?
     
  7. stolenphot0

    stolenphot0 RTF2 Addict

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2012
    Messages:
    5,432
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    Kettering, OH
    Umm, schedule. I know she doesn't have one, but both of mine did and they were sleeping through the night at 6 & 8 weeks respectively. Second child had a milk allergy that took us a while to realize.

    At this point, work her down in stages. She is used to being comforted instantly. There are studies that show this is fine and she'll turn out normal. :D

    Do you and your husband agree on the rearing techniques? Most of all does the MIL understand? It too my parents and in-laws a while to understand our technique. My kids are 7 & 9 now and they are very loving and independent.
     
  8. frank4570

    frank4570

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2004
    Messages:
    15,508
    Likes Received:
    8
    I know my wife would say to put her in bed with you and you will both get all the sleep you need.
     
  9. Highspeedlane

    Highspeedlane NRA Life Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2008
    Messages:
    3,345
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    For a long time the wife worked days and I worked nights. To get any sleep, after the morning feeding, I literally put in ear plugs and let them scream themselves to sleep while I tried to nap.

    Yea it stinks but I would have lost my sanity for lack of rest.

    We had 3 in diapers at one time (a pair of fraternal twins was the reason).

    Every scenario is different and your reaction is always one to want to comfort and console but after a certain point you have to weigh other options to keep your mental health intact.

    They all survived the ordeal, I'm happy to say.
     
  10. PrincessCelica

    PrincessCelica

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    2,322
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Glocktopia
    She's crying harder when I leave the room. I go in to try and quiet her without picking her up. She calms down a little when I go in, but doesn't stop crying. It's now been an hour.

    I did cave and pick her up thinking maybe she just wasn't wanting to nap. She started to fall asleep in my lap. So I've at least figured out that she is tired and mad I'm not soothing her to sleep.

    I'm going to have a chat with the future hubby about giving her a consistent on the dot schedule so no matter who's watching her, she's being fed (especially solids) and put down for naps at the same times every day. I'm getting tired of being woken up. She really needs to start sleeping better at night.
     
  11. The Fist Of Goodness

    The Fist Of Goodness

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Messages:
    4,120
    Likes Received:
    1,302
    Location:
    Falling into Crime's Dinner Party.
    We did this with all three of ours, but had the first two in their cribs sleeping thru the night by 8 months. Our youngest just turned one, and still doesn't sleep thru the night.

    I think routine is the key. If she has a bedtime routine that includes bath, story time, then nurse/ cuddle until she is almost asleep, she will fall asleep easier. The key (from what my wife tells me) is that you need to put her in the crib awake so she gets used to falling asleep on her own. That way when she wakes up in the night, she will be able to soothe herself back to sleep.

    Outdoor Hub mobile, the outdoor information engine
     
  12. jame

    jame I don't even know....what I'm doing here....

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2002
    Messages:
    6,012
    Likes Received:
    1,992
    Location:
    Central Iowa
    Our oldest didn't get in line with a schedule until she was nearly two. The second one was so peaceful, my wife called the doc to see what was wrong with her. The third was in between.

    They're all different, and to say otherwise would be to be presumptuous. Hubby and you need to get in line and on schedule you you want to have any control what so ever.
     
  13. XDRoX

    XDRoX

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2009
    Messages:
    7,256
    Likes Received:
    3,539
    Location:
    San Diego
    I have a 3yr old and a 1yr old. The 3yr old slept with us until he was 2. Our 1yr old will do the same thing. When they cry my wife breast fed them. Please don't take this the wrong way as I know you're doing your best, but for us, we never let either kid cry themselves to sleep. I don't believe in it.

    Our 1yr old wakes up about 3 times a night to feed. But since she's in our bed it's no big deal. I would loose my mind if we had to get up with her every time she woke up. We went through the same thing with our first. When he turned two we told him he was now a big boy and he moved to his bed in his room. He normally sleeps through the night. Occasionally he wakes when he kicks his covers off and we just need to put them back on him and he falls right back asleep.

    Co-sleeping was one of the best decisions we ever made.

    Not trying to be judgmental so please don't take it that way. Just letting you know what worked for us.
     
  14. cphilip

    cphilip

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2006
    Messages:
    3,442
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Clemson SC
    They are all different and your doing fine. Just be patient and get rest when, and every opportunity that you can. And I can't stress that enough. Your on her schedule now so sleep when she sleeps. Ever single dam chance you can sleep when she sleeps. And eventually it will all work out. I raised one and now raising a grandson. There is no secret formula. Its all trial and error. And just when you think you figured one thing out another presents itself. FUN!!!! :D
     
  15. Mr. Niceguy

    Mr. Niceguy Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    776
    Likes Received:
    22


    Very bad idea IMO. It's not only not safe for the child, but you will pay for it later when you want to transition them to their own bed.
     
  16. Averageman

    Averageman

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2011
    Messages:
    2,012
    Likes Received:
    0
    As soon as my Son realised I would cave and let him sleep with me, it took forever to get him to sleep in his own room.
    You have to decide if thats worth it to you, or you could pull the baby bed in next to yours for the time being and gradually move it out the room.
    I was there when he was born and I am sure a service manual didnt get lost in the delivery. Every kid is different and you will find if you have more each have their own personalities, even at that age.
    I know that doesn't give you a direct answer, but try a couple things.
     
  17. Averageman

    Averageman

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2011
    Messages:
    2,012
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was a single parent, working and going to college. I have heard of people rolling over on a baby, but it would seem pretty rare.
    Also I believe Japanese people traditionally sleep with the kids until they start school. That might explain why they dont have big families.
     
  18. NJDrew1

    NJDrew1

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2012
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Jersey
    If she's not hungry, and there is no medical issues, you need to let her just cry herself to sleep. Been there several times and it's hard to do, but you need to do it. In the beginning, it make last several hours becoming shorter with each day. If it makes you more comfortable, talk with her peditrician first to explain the problem, and you'll probably get similar advice.
     
  19. PrincessCelica

    PrincessCelica

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    2,322
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Glocktopia
    We have been co-sleeping with the baby. As she is becoming more mobile, I'm trying to transition her to her own bed. She's great at crawling and has recently started pulling herself up into a standing position (though never in our bed) My observation is that she is sleeping longer in her own bed than when she's in bed with us.

    I have been putting her in her bed after she falls asleep. Today is the first day I've tried putting her down while she's still awake. After 2 and a half hours, I've finally gotten her to go to sleep... unfortunately it's been by caving and holding her in my lap til she fell asleep. I'm going to keep trying though.
     
  20. smokeross

    smokeross GTDS Member #49

    Joined:
    May 15, 2011
    Messages:
    7,384
    Likes Received:
    2,138
    Location:
    Alaska
    I raised several kids, and then 2 of my grand kids. Granpa was the primary care giver when the grand kids were infants. Routine is a must. It is actually comforting to the kid. Many people make the mistake of letting the little angels sleep till they wake up themselves. I woke my infant grand kids up right after I got up. Did it nicely too so they learned to enjoy waking up. I fed them the same time every day. Nap for BOTH of them at the same time every day. No nap longer than 1 hour. Guess what? They were ready for bed at night. They were so good about waking in the morning that on the days when they woke before me, I would find them standing in the crib looking at me with a smile when I woke up. Routine is the key. Don't let MIL be putting her down for a 3 hour nap during the day. Sure they are cute when they sleep, but they can be cute at NIGHT.