close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

Parents did I over react? Was I out of line?

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by Glock20 10mm, Nov 27, 2012.

  1. Glock20 10mm

    Glock20 10mm Use Linux!

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2005
    Messages:
    14,866
    Likes Received:
    93
    Location:
    Land of Idiots and Libtards
    So last night I get a call from a good friend and he's pretty lathered up. Well I find out why, it has to do with my 7yo step son and my 10 1/2mo daughter.

    Apparently they were taking a bath together, normal really for siblings to do this. But he decided for some unknown reason to insert his fingers into my daughters whoo-whoo. From what I was told by both my friend first then later the mother, it was for a period of about 5 seconds. Of course I went into a lather and had a quite difficult time in maintaining control.

    I told the boy that I was (and I have a call into my doctor for a recommended pediatrician) going to have her examined by a doctor and if it was found that she has been molested, I would remand him to the court system for processing. That was the threat I made to him.

    Now, I understand kids are curious and they do some silly things BUT, this boy is pretty well educated on the differences of boys and girls. He has seen his mom naked and she has been very direct in answering his questions. He knows where babies come from and understands that it takes a mom and dad to make them. And this in my experience (I have 7 sisters and I don't ever remember at the age of 7 trying to stick things into their whoo-whoo's.) this is a bit odd for a 7yo.

    Now a qualifier, I have a pretty good sense of people and their character. It's rare, very rare that I am wrong about a persons moral fiber and overall character. I have always been good a "reading" people and determining their motives and over all trust worthiness. This kid sends my slime-ball meter pinging. And I am not the only one. Several of my male friends have said similar things to me about how they perceive him. He has demonstrated a conniving aptitude in manipulating women with his good looks and charm. But I, and others have seen this behavior with pretty dark undertones. He still bullies his cousins and other children (even after an ass whipping by a bigger boy) something I have been working to eliminate.

    The bottom line is my relationship with the mother is pretty much strained as she is taking his side, which is not unexpected. But she is saying that the fear I put into the boy was uncalled for and over the top.

    So... was I out of line?
     
  2. Mayhem like Me

    Mayhem like Me Semper Paratus

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2001
    Messages:
    19,769
    Likes Received:
    6,069
    Location:
    outer rim
    The boy is 7?
    Your friend was watching your two children?

    At seven most states do not assign criminal intent to actions like this.

    As a sex crime investigatior I find this behavior disturbing , and the age difference is too great for these two to be bathing together, (same sex siblings maybe)
    The seven year old boy needs to be seen by a therapist/psychologist of your choosing to see what is up with this behavior.

    Your behavior ,while maybe over the top sent a clear message that this new found game in the tub is not acceptable or tolerable behavior.

    Neither one of you can change what has happened, now you need to understand why it happened , what exactly led to it , and where this behavior is heading.

    You should have had a united front before dealing with this, now that you reacted, you both need to get together on the follow up or this will change your relationship for the worse.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2012

  3. Sneegrl

    Sneegrl .....

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2012
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    .....
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2013
  4. nmk

    nmk

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2007
    Messages:
    6,709
    Likes Received:
    323
    I strongly disagree.
     
  5. Steve0853

    Steve0853

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2003
    Messages:
    2,709
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    North Carolina
    You were right to raise enough hell to make sure everyone knew that it was unacceptable and better never happen again.

    However, as others have mentioned, 7 years old is too early to write someone off as a "slimeball". If you continue to have a strong relationship with this boy's mother, you will have a chance to eliminate those "slimeball tendencies". You will be his male role model.

    You will have to decide if its "love the woman, love her son". If not you will always keep him at arms length. If that is the case, Mom will eventually get burned out from being torn between to two of you.

    Edited to add: 7 year old male and 1 year old female bathing together is not OK.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2012
  6. Psychman

    Psychman NRA Life Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2009
    Messages:
    7,236
    Likes Received:
    120
    Location:
    Long Beach California.
    You should not be around the 7 year old. You scare me with your over reaction to your step sons behavior. I have to side with his mother on this one. I fear your relationship with his mother and him is headed for the toliet. I do agree that some counselling would be needed for the step son as well as yourself.
     
  7. treeline

    treeline

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2006
    Messages:
    1,659
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ex-CA, now UK
    I don't think the boy did anything inherently wrong. No matter how much he's heard about women's bodies, he'll still be curious, especially about the differences. "What's in there and how the hell do they pee out of it?"

    I have girls and they're just as bad. At age 6-7 things got wierd. Shoving fingers in various orifices was perfectly normal.

    I can't comment on the other behaviour since I know too little. It sounds like you've got a good eye on him. The only comment would be not to assume his behaviour signifies something too dark. Given the age gap, I assume he was an only child? He might just be a slightly spoiled only child used to getting female attention from adults. He's too young to assume he will grow into a predator or adult bully. You can only keep an eye on him, which you're doing.
     
  8. arclight610

    arclight610

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2009
    Messages:
    3,038
    Likes Received:
    0
    Why didn't you just let him know that his actions were wrong, and spank him? He's 7... a 2nd grader. You were going to get the authorities involved over this?
     
  9. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2003
    Messages:
    28,685
    Likes Received:
    11
    A 7YR old boy should not be in the shower with a pubescent or prepubescent 10yr old girl.

    Problem started there.

    I think you went over the top in the heat of the moment with the kid on the exam arena. Chances are, he's touched her there before. You need to have a calm conversation with your daughter.
     
  10. RichJ

    RichJ

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2009
    Messages:
    3,959
    Likes Received:
    9
    Were you out of line? No, but you shouldn't have threatened him with court. That makes him think you don't want him.

    First things first, no more bath time together for the kids; they've obvioulsly outgrown that stage.

    Secondly, you have every right to put your foot down and make it clear to him that this kind of thing isn't to be tolerated (but here's where we diverge a bit). Let him know that you'll absolutely put your foot in his ***** if he ever does anything like that again. Be angry and stern and make sure he understands the agreement.

    But... make sure he understands you love him and care for him and that you are only looking after his well being and the well being of your daughter. Threatening to send him to court sends the message that you reject him and don't want him and don't love him. I don't mean to make any assumptions about your feeling towards the boy, but that is more than likely how he will interpret your words.

    I could probably spend the rest of the day on this post because it hits so close to home with me, but I won't. I have two step-sons that have been in my life for 12 years. One of them has been hell almost since the beginning. I could see from any early age that he had the potential to be rotten to the core, but despite everything, I gave him all the love I could give him and tried my best to avoid the inevitable. My advise to you though is if you love this kid and want to be with his mom long-term, you have to love him regardless of the stupid stuff he inevitably will do.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2012
  11. arclight610

    arclight610

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2009
    Messages:
    3,038
    Likes Received:
    0
    It was 10 month old girl.
     
  12. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2003
    Messages:
    28,685
    Likes Received:
    11
    To add, my sons are always shoving their bare butts in each others faces to smell (I think they got that from me. :embarassed:), always want to measure up with each other in a ***** measuring contest, and always need to take a piss at the same time - then piss on each other and find it hilarious.

    My wife of course thinks they are hell spawn, like dad.
     
  13. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2003
    Messages:
    28,685
    Likes Received:
    11
    :wow::faint::wow:
     
  14. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2003
    Messages:
    28,685
    Likes Received:
    11
    A 7yr old boy has no business being in the shower with an infant, of any sex and particularly not a 7yr old who you think is on the way to getting a PhD in Slimeology
     
  15. Glock20 10mm

    Glock20 10mm Use Linux!

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2005
    Messages:
    14,866
    Likes Received:
    93
    Location:
    Land of Idiots and Libtards
    10 month old girl...
     
  16. jtmac

    jtmac Señor Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2005
    Messages:
    5,395
    Likes Received:
    182
    Location:
    State of Denial
    I'm not sure that, at seven, the boy has enough understanding to grasp all the implications that you threatened him with. At seven, he had no real grasp on what he was doing. Something like this CANNOT be overlooked, but this is either very likely either childish curiosity that got WAY out of hand or it is the manifestation of something fairly sinister from his past.

    Childhood experiences are formative. Your wife is prone to taking the boy's side. Both of these are things that call for a deft hand rather than a strong hand. You want to make it clear to the boy that what he did was wrong and make sure he never does it again... and that he forgets about the incident aside from the lesson learned. If you come the wrong way, he will dwell on it now and in the future (which you don't want screwing with his development) and his mother will be angry.

    If the kid's giving off "slimeball" signals, either he has lacked discipline or he's had some experiences in his past that caused this sort of behavior. It would be unwise to assume the latter and it would be asking for trouble to start asking questions of your wife to determine if that was the case... but you need to make yourself aware of how to handle such cases.

    It is not something I would do, but an enormous number of people in the world bathe kids together with no problems with kids even older than that. Even in western culture this wasn't unusual that long ago. Barring some sign of something being wrong, it's no big deal.
     
  17. GRIMLET

    GRIMLET Deceased

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2011
    Messages:
    1,812
    Likes Received:
    6
    Glock 20, I think you were in line with you talk with the boy. Momma may see her little boy as an angel but maybe thats what mommas do.
    I would take the advice of Mayhem.

    BTW, Mayhem, you and officers who do your job are my heroes! Carry on and good hunting.


    Posted using Outdoor Hub Campfire
     
  18. glock30user

    glock30user

    Joined:
    May 31, 2007
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    U.S.A
    1. They should not be bathing together with that age difference
    2. Criminal - I don't think so, but it is inappropriate behavior. 7 yr olds do things that grown adults know to be wrong

    Just my two cents
     
  19. glock30user

    glock30user

    Joined:
    May 31, 2007
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    U.S.A
    To follow on, you may have overreacted a little but I could see myself going down the exact same path.
     
  20. el_jewapo

    el_jewapo

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2005
    Messages:
    7,290
    Likes Received:
    4,518
    I think that's quite an age gap for baths together. I could be wrong.