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Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, Apr 8, 2009.

  1. Glockrunner

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    Sep 10, 2001
    While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.

    As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair.

    Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'

    As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full questions about what I was doing.

    After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'

    Out bicycling one day with my 8-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I became a little wistful.

    'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with your grandma like you do now.'

    Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'

    Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children.

    One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie a needle.

    'No, no, no!' she screamed.

    'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.'

    With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!

    My wife left the car unattended for only a minute, but it was long enough for our two-year-old to climb in, throw the car into reverse and crash into a lamppost.

    He was fine, but the car wasn't. I had a hard time explaining who was behind the wheel to the insurance company. After a pause, the adjuster asked, 'Do you let him drive often?'

    One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time.

    The book they were reading was 'There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly'.

    After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, 'Do you think she'll die?'

    'Nope,' a little girl in the back said. 'I saw this last night on Fear Factor.'

    My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My 10-year-old niece answered the phone 'Hello,' she whispered.

    'Hi, honey. How's your mother?' I asked.

    'She's sleeping,' she answered, again in a whisper.

    'Did she go to the doctor?' I asked.

    ' Yes. She got some medicine,' my niece said softly.

    'Well, don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?'

    Again in a soft whisper, she answered, 'Practicing my trumpet.'


    On a brutally humid day, I walked past a miniature golf course and saw a dad following three small children from hole to hole.

    'Who's winning?' I shouted.

    'I am,' said one kid.

    'Me,' said another.

    'No, me,' yelled the third.

    Sweat dripping down his face, the dad gasped, 'Their mother is.'

    On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son, 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently.

    After my son hummed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust.

    'You don't have to make something up Dad. It's ok if you don't know the answer."
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