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one liners

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Jan 23, 2003.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2002
    Messages:
    9,069
    Likes Received:
    1,046
    Location:
    Virginia
    A backward poet writes inverse.

    A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

    Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

    Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

    Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

    A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

    Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

    Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

    When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

    A will is defined as a dead giveaway.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

    She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

    A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

    With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

    Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I'll show you A flat
    minor.

    When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

    The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
    Blownapart.

    You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

    He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

    Every calendar's days are numbered.

    A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

    A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

    The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium
    at large.

    Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

    Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

    Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

    When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd
    dye.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture is a jab well done.

    Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

    The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle
    of himself.
     
  2. smilinjimmy

    smilinjimmy

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2002
    Messages:
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    Location:
    A quaint drinking town with a fishi
    God Invented Whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling to World!

    The trouble with Scotland is, It's full of Scots!

    Give the man a sword, he makes a knife!......

    When you die, Can I give that to me daughter?

    At the urinal, you're not longer American, European!

    Officer to driver: Can I see your License, registration, and proof of Insurance?
    Driver to Officer: Can I shoot your gun?

    The Beatings will continue until Morale improves- the managment