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Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by joegerardi, Mar 25, 2005.

  1. joegerardi

    joegerardi Millennium Member Lifetime Member

    May 18, 1999
    Savannah, GA, USA
    Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 winter Olympics,the following are some questions people the world over are asking!!!!!

    These questions (and answers) about Canada were actually posted on an international Tourism Website.

    Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

    A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

    A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

    A: Let's not touch this one.

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

    A: What, did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA)

    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q: Can you send me the ViennaBoys' Choir schedule? (USA)

    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

    A: No, WE don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)

    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

    A: Only at Thanksgiving.

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?


    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

    A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare it by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)

    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

    A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
  2. Trebuchet

    Trebuchet Sláinte !

    Apr 30, 2004

  3. gr81disp

    gr81disp Bushbot v1.0

    Sep 19, 2004
    Marietta, GA
    Canadians should be careful what they say. If they feel they do not need to be, they should remember one thing.

    What other country besides America would sit peacefully next to a mineral rich, sparsely populated country that has no military to speak of without taking it over? (except Quebec which we think even you should just bomb and get it over with)

    Seriously, America could take over Canada in twenty minutes, unless we had supply problems in which case it might take us thirty.

    (in case you can't tell, I am kidding, I have no problem with Canadians)
  4. joegerardi

    joegerardi Millennium Member Lifetime Member

    May 18, 1999
    Savannah, GA, USA
    I don't know about that. My mother is Canadian, and even at 81 years old, I think she could still take me in fair fight... and she's all of 5' nothing :)

  5. Roddy


    Jan 1, 2004
    Try living here....
  6. DTQ

    DTQ c8h10n4o2 me