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"No one should have known" you CCW'd — "Being the Gray Man"

223K views 572 replies 274 participants last post by  DoctorStrange 
#1 ·
Best title I could come up with. We might also go with "Being the Gray Man". This musing is prompted by an exchange in another thread that went like this:

And while I've only made one arrest on the "no guns" thing, I've lost count of the people I've hooked who didn't bother with the "No Trespassing" sign.
I'm curious as to why this one arrest? If the person was carrying concealed no one should have know.
The fact is that most people's version of "concealed means concealed" relies heavily on others' lack of perception and on people generally being lost in their own little bubble. It relies far too heavily on that, IMO. Once you get into a world where someone's actually looking for concealed weapons, the average guy's odds of being "made" go up. And once you get into a situation where the attention is actually on you specifically, the odds skyrocket. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't happen much. I'm writing about when it *does*.

"Being Gray" means fading into the background of where you're moving. There is no one formula for this, because what works in a law office doesn't work in a garage. The one exception to this is the guy who dresses and carries himself like a janitor. That level of service worker can move about most anywhere and be like everyone else, or be overlooked by everyone else. Let me start by talking about what *isn't* gray.

  • Gun gear isn't grey. This means exposed Wilderness belts, cute little raven pins on your hat, as well as the more obvious Tshirts.
  • Political wear isn't grey. It invites attention from both people who share the advertised views and people who oppose the advertised views. In the case of 3per, Gasden or similar advertisements, it invites LE scrutiny of your hands and waistband. Sorry, guys. I'm writing about the world as it is, not as some would wish it.
  • Cover garments beyond an untucked polo or workshirt aren't grey in warm weather. The number of people wearing vests (or worse, photographer's vests) compared to the number of people who use them to cover a gun? C'mon.
  • 5-11s aren't gray (I'm alternating spellings because I can :cool: ) There are plenty of Colombia or similar cargo pants that are quite popular. 5-11s and clones, though, are cop clothes. Cops look at people who look like them, crooks look at people who look like cops.
  • "Loud" colors aren't gray. Red attracts the eye. Neon attracts the eye. Bright attracts the eye. Attracting the eye invites being remembered, being scrutinized, and having your CCW noticed.
  • Pocket clips (folding knives) and pouches aren't grey. The crook is looking for an easy score. Seeing the clip from a knife makes him look harder before he looks away. The cop on "scan" is looking for weapons, and seeing an indicator of one he'll look for others. Belt pouches mean electronics mean stuff to steal to the crook. Seeing one piece of temptation, he's ready to look for others.
  • Posture and actions different from the crowd isn't grey. Stay to the right, go with the flow, walk, don't run. Being alert and attentive is good for you. Having your head on a swivel is doing an imitation of a crook looking for witnesses. There's a fine line on that last.

Okay, that's a start. My goal is to discuss things you can do and avoid doing so as to avoid unwanted attention to your person. Specifically, I'm talking about avoiding attention that makes people end up noticing that bulge at your waist. There's lots more, but you can start by going to public places and watching people. Notice how many your attention is drawn to when they do something from that list.
 
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#327 · (Edited)
If your wearing a fanny pack or a vest I and everybody around you assumes you have a gun.
That's why I never understood that cover garment requirement, nobody ever wore one of those before that unless they're fishing.

Wirh me it doesn't matter, apparently I look mil or le. Doesmt matter what I wear I hear it


Unless you are an older lady wearing a fanny pack, then you are just accused of having no fashion sense or being tacky. :wavey:

You may even hear a comment about "these tourists" (I'm in Miami). :supergrin:
 
#328 ·
I've had two instances in which I know that I was "made" as a concealed carrier.

The fact that I carry is no big secret at work. I cannot carry at work, but everyone knows that I carry when I'm not at work. That has not always been the case, though. Back before the cat got out of the bag (I eventually quit caring who at our office knew), I walked into my office and took off my jacket. Ordinarily, I would just walk in, put my holster in my desk, and get to work. What I didn't know was that another attorney in the office had turned the corner and was standing in my doorway. I took off my jacket and she said, "What's that?," pointing to my holster. Busted. All I could say was, "a holster."

That was about 2-3 years ago. I got busted again over the weekend. The family and I wen to IHOP on Saturday morning to get some breakfast. I carried my G19 in a CBST holster under an untucked button-down shirt. After eating and paying the bill, we got up to leave. I asked my wife for my jacket, which had been on the bench next to her, and she said, "People behind you are staring." That's when I realized that my shirt had ridden up, exposing my pistol to about 40 people behind me. :embarassed: I pulled my shirt down and turned to look. From what I can tell, only one table noticed, but as soon as I turned, all eyes went straight back to the table.
 
#329 ·
Someone mentioned "When I carry." I carry all the time, unless I am going into my doctor, an X-Ray lab or similar situation. I don't want to be that guy who is radiating signals that shout "I have a GUN, WATCH OUT." Every time I leave the house, I am seeking to appear natural. My IWB has a black clip, therefore if I must wear brown or any other non black pants, I choose a shirt that will cover the belt clip.
I carry because I cannot run or fight back due to an old injury. My gun is my last ditch resort to defend myself and my family. If you are in trouble, don't look for me to run in and take out the bad guy.
 
#330 ·
Unless you are an older lady wearing a fanny pack, then you are just accused of having no fashion sense or being tacky. :wavey:

You may even hear a comment about "these tourists" (I'm in Miami). :supergrin:
Misty!!! Where you been keeping yourself?

Nice to have you back!
 
#332 ·
Misty!!! Where you been keeping yourself?

Nice to have you back!
Hi Sam! :wavey:

Haven't been around for a while and trying to get back to some sort of a routine. Can't say I'm there yet, but I'm trying nonetheless.

I'm glad to see all is ok around here. I've always been fond of this topic, it just makes me smile. :embarassed:

.

.
 
#334 ·
I've been a Gray man for some decades now....

Ohhh sorry...Gray not Grey.

Just couldn't resist...I really tried.

Once my Glock 26 jumped out of a improperly worn holster (dumped that rig anyway) and landed on the floor of a Taco bell. A 'hispanic' man noticed and sat there goggle eyed while I retrieved it, hid the pistol, and took it to the mens room for re-holstering. He never said a word and everyone else didn't notice. I was with my wife and three yr old so it could have appeared worse I suppose.

"We don't hold grudges, we remember the facts."

Gray_Rider
 
#336 · (Edited)
Do any of you ever see them dumb-ass concealed handgun license Badges that you can buy? Comes with a leather case.:rofl: Now I not L/E but if I where & some guy wiped one of them out to show me like he was Jonie law I think I would slap him. What a joke. But as far as carrying concealed go's I carry in a solder rig or owb holster. I do where the 5.11 concealed carry shirt's. They do not have any marking like 5.11 on them & look like any other shirt. I am a big guy 6'4 235lb & most of my friends tell me I look like a cop. What ever that means but no one really mess with me. I have always been aware of my situational awareness long before I started carrying a firearm. Not the type of guy that has his head on a swivel. But if I am pumping gas an a car pulls up next to me or gos into the store with 3-5 people in it I know it & know way they will get the drop on me. I do look to see at times if I can make someone carrying & do at times. Funny one night out to eat & made a LEO & he made me at like the same time. Its the only time I was made as far as I know. I fined LEO easy to make.Same as bad guys just look at there eyes.Someone eyes gives away a lot. You can read a lot my them.
 
#337 ·
Yea I have seen those badges. There on the same rack as the security guard badges at the local cop shop.
I guess I don't fit in with the crowd here sense I get paid for open carrying and having a 5.11 shoot me first vest on. Those vest are really good for getting all that weight off your belt. I don't think anyone would use it for conceal carry.
 
#340 ·
In my case, the local Chief and his dept are known to have a certain "attitude" towards permit holders. I have dealt with some in the department who are downright hostile. (These dealings being online, not face to face.)

Some will condemn my position I'm sure, but I simply do not want to call attention to myself. It could well be that live and in person the few hotheads I've encountered online would conduct themselves professionally but I'm going to do what I can to minimize the odds of any kind of encounter.

My hair went steel blond some time ago, but I'll do my best to be "gray." :)
My hair just plain went!
 
#344 ·
wear aloha shirts all the time...my signature look in my small town. I have a bum knee and wear a knee brace sticking out from under my cargo shirts. I like to think the knee brace is what attracts attention and focus.

Read half the pages....if no one mentioned it another tip off is a GI/LEO haircut - no matter what clothes you wear.
 
#346 ·
The fact is that most people's version of "concealed means concealed" relies heavily on others' lack of perception and on people generally being lost in their own little bubble. It relies far too heavily on that, IMO. Once you get into a world where someone's actually looking for concealed weapons, the average guy's odds of being "made" go up. And once you get into a situation where the attention is actually on you specifically, the odds skyrocket. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't happen much. I'm writing about when it *does*.
I'm bringing this back to the front page for new members.
 
#347 ·
Sometimes I wonder just how hard...possibly extremely hard...it is to truly not let anybody suspect you are armed...especially if they are paying attention to you specifically.

Example: A couple weeks ago I was waiting for carry-out inside a restaurant. Sitting near the door by myself I was people watching as new customers entered. One guy just struck me as the type to possibly carry a gun. He was middle aged, over weight, white, male, but well kept, decently dressed (casual, just not sloppy or anything), and as soon as he got through the door he scanned the room(s). I even caught him notice that I was observing him.

I really can't articulate the rest, but there was more. Then he took his jacket off and for a brief moment I saw a black leather OWB holster poke out from underneath his untucked flannel type shirt. Semi auto fame shape, offset clips front and back of the holster.

Made me wonder...how many times does somebody see me walk in somewhere and have the "hmmm I wonder if he is carrying a gun" thought go through their head.
 
#387 ·
Sometimes I wonder just how hard...possibly extremely hard...it is to truly not let anybody suspect you are armed...especially if they are paying attention to you specifically.

Example: A couple weeks ago I was waiting for carry-out inside a restaurant. Sitting near the door by myself I was people watching as new customers entered. One guy just struck me as the type to possibly carry a gun. He was middle aged, over weight, white, male, but well kept, decently dressed (casual, just not sloppy or anything), and as soon as he got through the door he scanned the room(s). I even caught him notice that I was observing him.

I really can't articulate the rest, but there was more. Then he took his jacket off and for a brief moment I saw a black leather OWB holster poke out from underneath his untucked flannel type shirt. Semi auto fame shape, offset clips front and back of the holster.

Made me wonder...how many times does somebody see me walk in somewhere and have the "hmmm I wonder if he is carrying a gun" thought go through their head.
I bet more then you realize.
 
#348 ·
Sometimes I wonder just how hard...possibly extremely hard...it is to truly not let anybody suspect you are armed...especially if they are paying attention to you specifically.

Example: A couple weeks ago I was waiting for carry-out inside a restaurant. Sitting near the door by myself I was people watching as new customers entered. One guy just struck me as the type to possibly carry a gun. He was middle aged, over weight, white, male, but well kept, decently dressed (casual, just not sloppy or anything), and as soon as he got through the door he scanned the room(s). I even caught him notice that I was observing him.

I really can't articulate the rest, but there was more. Then he took his jacket off and for a brief moment I saw a black leather OWB holster poke out from underneath his untucked flannel type shirt. Semi auto fame shape, offset clips front and back of the holster.

Made me wonder...how many times does somebody see me walk in somewhere and have the "hmmm I wonder if he is carrying a gun" thought go through their head.
Probably a lot. I like to think its the beta pheromones our type gives off :)

I spend a good deal of time and energy blending in anywhere I go. I wear Dickies work shirts during the week since they are baggy but not too sloppy looking, jeans or cargo pants that fit right. Not tight but for sure not loose. Since I live in a cold climate, I wear a parka type jacket on most days. On my off days I wear the same thing except I wear a decent button up, collared shirt. I look just like every other guy on his way to or from work.

I had to work very hard to keep myself from "checking" my gun while out. I would constantly reach down and touch it to make sure it was there. I would also constantly pull down on my cover shirt to make sure my gun was hidden. It was like quitting smoking to stop doing those things but I got it. I also figured out how to scan a room without being noticed. Its all about being low key while you do it.

I think the most important thing is planning ahead and buying good equipment. Yea...it sucks spending $100 on a holster but if that holster lets me conceal better but draw faster? Its a good investment. I also spend way too much on coats. I am just a little obsessed with having a coat to match the weather that also conceals well.

Stay safe guys.
 
#351 ·
I live in a small town, most are used to seeing me in uniform anyways. I OC when I am off, for me it is "why pretend to hide it" and I have the speed advantage of not having to clear cover garments.

Gray man has its place for most people, but I am out in the open already.
 
#353 ·
Get a picture or video from your gun side as you tie you shoe then reach up to take something off a shelf and see just how invisible it really is. Your opinion that you haven't been "made" once ever since starting to carry in 1993 or whenever will probably change.
 
#355 ·
After reading many of the replies to this thread, I should say that I'm in the "really concealed" CC camp; I have only just started pistol shooting again after probably the last 20 or 25 years of not even owning a gun; the thing that I have found to be quite interesting here has been all of the talk about the type of clothing NOT to wear if you don't want to "be made"; I seldom wear any clothing that has any advertising on it, and I don't even own anything that says "Glock" on it, (other than my G-34 ); the one thing that I DO wear a lot, and I have no plans to stop wearing it any time soon, is my Korea Veterans cap;

I'm guessing that not a lot of people seeing me "out & about" would consider me to be be likely to be armed, largely due to my age; I guess my question is, would any of you fellows who are in LE consider an old geezer wearing a Korea Vet's cap to be likely to have a weapon?
 
#356 ·
After reading many of the replies to this thread, I should say that I'm in the "really concealed" CC camp; I have only just started pistol shooting again after probably the last 20 or 25 years of not even owning a gun; the thing that I have found to be quite interesting here has been all of the talk about the type of clothing NOT to wear if you don't want to "be made"; I seldom wear any clothing that has any advertising on it, and I don't even own anything that says "Glock" on it, (other than my G-34 ); the one thing that I DO wear a lot, and I have no plans to stop wearing it any time soon, is my Korea Veterans cap;

I'm guessing that not a lot of people seeing me "out & about" would consider me to be be likely to be armed, largely due to my age; I guess my question is, would any of you fellows who are in LE consider an old geezer wearing a Korea Vet's cap to be likely to have a weapon?
I think all else equal older individuals are more likely to be armed than the younger folks.

Middle aged and older white males are by far the most likely to be lawfully carrying as far as I can tell
 
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