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New Strength Sport!

Discussion in 'Strength & Conditioning' started by ateamer, Oct 22, 2005.

  1. ateamer

    ateamer NRA4EVR

    I got an idea for another sport in the iron game - the 1st Annual "It's All You" Championship. The event will be conducted as follows: A 19 year old kid, dressed in wife beater, pants that are eight sizes too big and hat on sideways, with some fake gold chains and a loud cell phone, will be the typical competitor.

    The competition shall begin with the Assisted-From-Below Shrug event. The performance of the lift will be that the lifter shall use no more than 75% of bodyweight on the bar, and shall lower the bar no lower than to a point six inches above his chest. The lifter will then attempt to press the weight to a position several inches short of having the arms fully extended. While doing so, the lifter will raise his butt at least eight inches off the bench, and shall either kick his feet on the floor, or have his feet positioned on the bench. As the lifter performs the lift, a similarly-attired kid will strain and tug on the bar with all his might and shout, "It's all you!"

    Following the assisted shrug event, will be the High School Football Player Squat. The lifter will put on a six-inch wide belt and knee wraps, and load the bar to no more than 25 pounds over bodyweight. He will then set the bar across his shoulders and slightly bend his knees, re-lock his knees and return the bar to the rack. Any discernible movement of the leg will be cause for disqualification. After performing the lift, the lifter will announce to his posse that there is no reason to go deep like those powerlifters do because his freshman assistant football coach said squats are bad for the knees.

    The event will conclude with the 25-Pound Curl in the Power Rack event. The lift shall actually be performed as a reverse-grip half-rep clean. The lifter shall be required to lean backward to at least a 45-degree angle.

    There will be a single weight class with an upper limit of 150 pounds. It has been confirmed that fewer than three people exist who exceed the weight limit and train in a manner similar to the described lifts.

    Bonus points shall be awarded to each competitor who has a cousin, uncle, cousin's uncle, or uncle's cousin's neighbor's boss's friend who benches 700 in his garage.
  2. 45acp4me

    45acp4me Pissed puppet

    May 11, 2001
    Farmington, MI
    `l `l `l

    I need to visit your gym to see some of this stuff!

  3. Smokin' Joe

    Smokin' Joe 7.8 kTons of US

    Jan 17, 2003
    Submerged and Undetected
    Don't forget the mandatory "flexing in front of the mirror" event. Total time flexing should be at least double the amount of time spent "lifting".
  4. BCR

    BCR BIGASS!!!!

    Dec 8, 2002
    New Hampshire
    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! Your killing me!

    You forgot the opening ceremony of the lat flair/chest puff through the doorway. Anyone who can fit through the door WITHOUT having to turn sideways due to their enormous lats will be DQ'ed.
  5. Unregistered

    Unregistered Senoir member

    Mar 31, 2002
    Lakewood, WA
    It sounds like someone has been hanging around the local Bally's. "Curls in the power rack," should be punishable by death, or at least a vigorous wedgie.
  6. B_Easy


    Oct 17, 2005
    While we're performing genocide against those who seek to disrupt the habitat that is, "the gym", why don't we eliminate all of those smith machine abusers too?

    You know, the kid who can "bench 4 plates!!!!!"...on the Smith machine...