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My mother

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 7, 2007.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    64,670
    1,525
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished
    cleaning!"

    My mother taught me RELIGION -
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
    week!"

    My mother taught me LOGIC:
    "Because I said so, that's why."

    My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    My mother taught me IRONY -
    "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

    My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

    My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
    "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

    My mother taught me about STAMINA -
    "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

    My mother taught me about WEATHER -
    "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

    My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
    "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen
    then?"

    My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
    "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!"

    My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
    Stop acting like your father!"

    My mother taught me about ENVY -
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
    wonderful parents like you do!"
     
  2. kygungirl

    kygungirl

    48
    0
    Jul 18, 2006
    KY
    Man you just brought me back tro my childhood. I think My mother did all of those things and then some