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Men's Rules...

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by acpd442, Jan 26, 2011.

  1. acpd442


    Nov 15, 2007
    Coastal, SC
    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
    or NASCAR.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
  2. Harvick


    Jun 11, 2010
    tagged and printed!!:supergrin:

  3. Just1More


    Mar 18, 2009
    Everything is equal until it's time to take out the trash. Hmmm. Oh, and I'm buying another Glock....I don't care what you think.
  4. GamerGirl

    GamerGirl 100% Relevant

    Aug 3, 2010
    Hey! Trash duty is the only good reason to have kids! And Mr Gamer can buy any darn thing he pleases!

    Although, I had to laugh at "all comments null and void after 7 days"

    A common convo in the Gamer house:

    Me: so anyway, remember when we talked about (insert whatever here)

    Mr: <blinks>

    Mr: no

    Me: remember, we were talking about (whatever)

    Mr: no, are you sure I was paying attention?

    Me: WTF? Yes, we had a whole discussion about it! You said (insert comments here)

    Mr: did you ask me if I was paying attention when we were talking?

    Me: wth? We had a five minute convo about it.

    Mr: sorry, you need to make sure I'm paying attention, and even then........
  5. These two are GOLD. I say this to my GF all the time...STOP HINTING and just SAY it.
  6. Guambodian


    Aug 14, 2010
    I've been married 7 years now. I've found that the prizes awarded are commensurate with how well you play the game.
  7. BEER

    BEER bad example

    May 2, 2006
    Dayton, Texas
    i've cured 3 girlfriends of this particular affliction.

    remove the toilet seat and hide it in the attic for a week. they don't really gripe about it much after that.
  8. Classic post. Every woman should read this.
  9. No. Its my bed, she can sleep on the couch.
  10. TBO

    TBO Why so serious? CLM

    Sounds like they eventually found their own cure as well. :rofl:
  11. HerrGlock

    HerrGlock Scouts Out CLM

    Dec 28, 2000
    The one that drives me nuts is the dissertation answers to yes/no questions.

    Me: Do you want the sweet potatoes on the table now, Mom?
    Mom: Y'know, those would go well with the ... (I have no idea, I tuned her out after that. Went on for about three minutes, I timed it)
    Me: Does that mean yes or no?
    Mom: Don't get smart with me.

    WTF? That conversation, and variants, have gone on my whole life. Girlfriends, female friends, sister, whoever, I'm listening for a "yes" or "no" and I hear about the history of sweet potatoes.

    If you want to add your version of "A Brief History of Time" fine, could you do it after the "yes" or "no" answer, please?
  12. Why are you printing it? You and your boyfriend having problems?

  13. jhoagland

    jhoagland That's right! Lifetime Member

    May 4, 2007
    south carolina
    Don't forget:

    You'll know I'm home from work because you can see me.