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Men are just happier people

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Jay9928, May 18, 2009.

  1. Jay9928

    Jay9928 BUBBA ARMY

    5,622
    278
    Jan 19, 2009
    Phoenix, Az.
    * If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
    * If Matt, Dave and Bill go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


    EATING OUT

    * When the bill arrives, Matt, Dave and Bill will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    * When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


    MONEY

    * A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    * A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


    BATHROOMS

    * A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
    * The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


    ARGUMENTS

    * A woman has the last word in any argument.
    * Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


    FUTURE

    * A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    * A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


    SUCCESS

    * A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    * A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


    MARRIAGE

    * A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    * A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


    DRESSING UP

    * A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    * A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


    NATURAL

    * Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    * Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


    OFFSPRING

    * Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    * A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!