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Little Johnny Is At It Again

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, May 30, 2002.

  1. Glockrunner

    Glockrunner HOOYA DEEPSEA

    4,251
    3
    Sep 10, 2001
    SC
    A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

    She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

    The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

    "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

    **********************************************

    A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday.

    The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.

    Susie said, "He was born in a manger."

    Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."

    Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."

    Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"

    "From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"
     
  2. AC37

    AC37 SystemicAnomaly

    4,477
    263
    Dec 12, 2000
    Provo, UT

  3. MB-G26

    MB-G26 Bk2MiscResource Lifetime Member

    7,065
    1,180
    Oct 9, 2001
    Missing Sharon
    A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
    children while they drew. She would occasionally walk
    around to see each child's artwork.
    As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
    she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm
    drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "but no one
    knows what God looks like. "Without missing a beat, or
    looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in
    a minute."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
    with her 5 and 6 year-olds. After explaining the
    commandment "Honor thy Father and thy mother," she asked,
    "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
    treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one
    little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that
    Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that
    happen?," gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the
    young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother
    do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed
    that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking
    out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her
    mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs
    white, Mom?"
    Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something
    wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns
    white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a
    while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's
    hairs are white?"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.
    On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that
    there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did
    you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and
    looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on
    the bottom."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was
    trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group
    picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when
    you are all grown up and say: "There's Jennifer; she's a
    lawyer, or That's Michael. He's a doctor." A small voice
    at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher.
    She's dead".
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the
    blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now,
    boys, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would
    run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
    "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am
    standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood
    doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause
    yer feet ain't empty."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said,
    "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
    A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will
    that help?"

    m