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Laugh Medicine

Discussion in 'Band of Glockers' started by nrmcolt, Aug 29, 2007.

  1. nrmcolt

    nrmcolt What?

    Sep 26, 2004
    Raccoon City
    - Dr. Ni

    So, my brod-in-arms who's so serious in life, better lighten up and laugh a bit, don't be so stiff and serious in life, we'll never get out of it alive anyway.:supergrin:
  2. The Freddie Aguilar principle:

    "Tumawa ka...Bakit hindee...Tawanan mo ang `yong problemaaaaaa..":rofl:


    Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed
    that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt

    It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and
    utensils,I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
    When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the

    "Well", he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen
    Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3
    spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we
    can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

    As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace
    it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

    I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out
    of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

    "Oh, certainly!" then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so
    observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we
    can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

    I asked, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?" "Well," he
    whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

  4. nrmcolt

    nrmcolt What?

    Sep 26, 2004
    Raccoon City
    :alex: :laughabove:
  5. Tipid na rin siguro sa asin at paminta yung sabao duon! :supergrin:
  6. Relationship Management

    A bird was flying south for the winter. Cold and hungry, the bird found refuge in a barn on a farm. His wings were nearly frozen stiff with icicles. The bird thought to himself, “I am dead for sure.”

    A cow in the barn came by, sniffed around and unloaded a big, stinky pile of cowpie on top of the bird. The bird was drowning in cow caca and thought to himself, “I am dead. I am dead.”

    Although the cowpie stank, it was warm and helped thaw the bird, bringing much needed warmth. The bird struggled a bit and managed to poke out his beak to breath. The bird thought to himself, “Yes, yes, I am alive! I’ll be okay!”

    The bird was so happy, it began to sing. A cat in the barn heard the singing and came over to investigate. The cat discovered the bird within the cowpie, dug the bird out, and ate him.

    Morals of the story:

    1. Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.
    2. Not everyone who gets you out of caca is your friend.
    3. If you are warm and happy and covered in caca, don’t sing about it.

    (Original author unknown)

    Puppy Willie can learn a thing or two with this one...
  7. binoy


    Jun 19, 2006
    Three Corporate Lessons:

    Lesson 1: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

    Lesson 2: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: (I suggest you keep this in mind ;)) Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

    Lesson 3: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

    Morals of these lessons:
    1. Not everyone who drops poop on you is your enemy.
    2. Not everyone who gets you out of poop is your friend.
    3. (A classic) When you're in deep poop, keep your mouth shut.