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Irish Humor

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, Apr 30, 2009.

  1. Glockrunner

    Glockrunner HOOYA DEEPSEA

    Sep 10, 2001
    Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
    Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
    The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
    An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
    "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
    Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
    Answer - So the English can understand them.
    Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
    "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
    Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
    Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
    Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantelpiece?"
    "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
    Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
    A. A bachelor.
    Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
    Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
    Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.
    "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
    "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
    Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
    My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details andhighlights of theirs?
  2. I'll have you know, I resemble some of those remark's


  3. button man

    button man

    Jan 27, 2003
    God created whiskey so the Irish couldn't rule the world.
  4. Nicko


    Apr 13, 2007
    Virginia Beach, VA