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Irish Humor

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, Apr 30, 2009.

  1. Glockrunner

    Glockrunner HOOYA DEEPSEA

    4,251
    3
    Sep 10, 2001
    SC
    Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
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    Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
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    The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
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    An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
    "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
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    Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
    Answer - So the English can understand them.
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    Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
    "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
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    Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
    Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
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    Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantelpiece?"
    "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
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    Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
    A. A bachelor.
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    Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
    Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
    Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.
    -----------------------
    "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
    "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
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    Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
    ---------------------
    My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details andhighlights of theirs?
     

  2. button man

    button man

    35
    0
    Jan 27, 2003
    God created whiskey so the Irish couldn't rule the world.