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Investor Terminology

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Mauler362ndFG, Aug 6, 2002.

  1. Mauler362ndFG

    Mauler362ndFG Check Your 6

    May 17, 2001
    Chesapeake, VA, USofA
    Investment terminology

    BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

    BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

    MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of buying high and selling low.

    VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

    P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

    BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

    STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

    STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

    STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

    FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

    MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

    CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

    YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

    WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

    INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

    PROFIT -- Religious guy who talks to God