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If Santa answered his letters truthfully. (not little kid safe)

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Navy HMC, Dec 13, 2006.

  1. Navy HMC

    Navy HMC

    Oct 23, 2005
    Piped ashore
    I am usually not one to steal anothers thread, but this one was in General Non-Glocking, posted by ATL Peach Girl and I just had to post it here as well. It was that good!!! The original thread:

    (sorry Peachie, I had to)

    I have cleaned these up a bit.......I think you will agree, they will have you howling........

    Deer Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
    all yeer.

    Yer Friend,

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How
    about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm
    giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.



    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
    is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?


    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
    for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
    hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
    your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.


    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
    dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll
    set you up with a Barbie.

    (My fave!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
    carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the "trots" and carrots make the deer fart in my
    face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
    bottle of Scotch.



    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
    making toys?
    Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where
    I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.


    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
    we're awake, like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
    I'm skipping your house.


    Dear Santa,
    I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please,
    could I have one?
    Love, Timmy

    Dear Timmy,
    That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that
    crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.


    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our
    Love, Marky

    Dear Mark,
    First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
    your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet dreams,


  2. StoneGiant


    May 31, 2003
    Derry, NH

    Loved the one about the babysitter...
  3. :rofl:
    Pretty funny stuff there!
  4. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    May 24, 2000