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Idiots Guide To Life

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Sep 15, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    Don't throw a brick straight up.

    Don't take naps in the road.

    If you ever meet the President, don't offer him the surprise gift of a firearm by whipping it suddenly out of your coat pocket.

    Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.

    If you want to pound on the radiator to tell the landlord to turn up the heat, don't do it with your head.

    Your body has the correct number of holes in it.
    Don't make any more.

    Don't microwave yourself.

    Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.

    Shovels are for digging holes in the ground,
    not the floor of your house.

    When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame to see if it's sufficiently hot.

    Walking barefoot in the sand is good.
    Walking barefoot on a cactus is bad.
    The same goes for broken glass

    If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actually raise your head. Cover it with your arms and duck.

    Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.

    No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.

    When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.

    Under no circumstances should you ever reproduce.