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How to get rid of a Jehovah's Witness

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Feb 17, 2009.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you
    like to know?"
    Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back
    in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
    Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!
    Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want
    to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.
    Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
    Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince
    a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country.
    A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The
    Watchtower" scattered around...
    Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This
    might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how
    long it takes for them to leave.
    Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.
    Invite them in to see your fine collection of dinosaur fossils.
  2. AZ Husker

    AZ Husker

    Mar 25, 2003
    I just met them at the door naked. They never returned.

  3. jjtroutbum

    jjtroutbum Armedflyfishing

    Jan 23, 2008
    St. Louis Mo
    A chalk outline....:rofl:
  4. georgewain


    Nov 17, 2008
    One day while splitting firewood a carload pulled in my driveway. They got out and said they wanted to talk. All I said was I was busy but if they'd help me I'd have time to talk when we were done. They left!
  5. Panzergrenadier1979

    Panzergrenadier1979 Keystone Cop

    Jan 16, 2009
    Central Pennsylvania
    My mother used to invite them in, make coffee, and debate them till they got worn out and would leave. Our pastor at the time had a great story of inviting a pair into his home and debating them. He was able to turn the younger JW against the older JW and the two of them began debating each other while he sat back and watched!
  6. Our Parish Priest lives in a condo because our parish is new, church and rectory aren't built yet.

    He had 2 LDS kids knock on his door a couple of months ago.

    Let's just say the 2 kids weren't prepared to debate their faith with a catholic priest.
  7. exmdshooter

    exmdshooter WWJMBD?

    Years ago, when my kids were young, we lived in Maryland. It was around Christmas time, and a local rock station had been playing what they called "twisted tunes" Christmas music - take-offs on traditional songs. One was "Walking in an Essex Wonderland" which referred to a particularly... ummm... white trash area in Baltimore. A line in that song claimed "you can make an ornament from a Bud can."

    The kids thought that was hilarious, so we had made several fanciful ornaments from... of course... beer cans, and hung them on our tree.

    Enter a couple of nice, clean cut Jehovah's Witnesses. Out of politeness we invited them in to hear their spiel. Should have seen their eyes whe they spotted our Christmas tree decorated with the week's empties.

    Never saw them again :rofl:
  8. MedicOni


    Nov 19, 2008
    Central NM
    I opened the door revealing a table with mine and 4 friends guns that we were cleaning after a long day at the range :D They said they forgot what they were there for
  9. SawgrassRaven


    May 19, 2002
    Hiya OKIE!

    I loved this one:

    Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.


  10. Caliper


    Jul 24, 2006
    When my younger brother was in college he woke up to someone knocking on the front door. He jumped out of bed, ran down downstairs and opened the door. There were two young men wearing white shirts and ties at the door. He remembers waking up with the door still open and realizing he has passed out and peed all over himself. The two guys were no where in sight.
  11. silentpoet


    Jan 11, 2007
    This Old Caddy
    I don't think it was his own pee.
  12. ACKRITE23


    Jan 26, 2009
    fontucky, ca
    I just tell them I'm an Atheist. When they try to tell me they can help save me if I read their pamphlet or flyer, I tell them I already have enough toilet paper that is softer than the crap they are trying to give me.
  13. One of my partners answered the front door naked holding an AR. They fled and haven't been back since. Its been over 5 years :rofl: