I am normally silly and clown around a lot, but I am really hurting at the end of my rope. In the past few months it seems as if my world has collapsed around me. My wife has had some serious health issues, almost lost her leg, twice in the past 5 months. We are talking about 4 surgeries to save it. When you mix uncontrolled diabetes and smoking, the results are not good. After the first surgery, I took over as head chef around here, and we got that blood sugar under control. We are talking a 12.5 A1C reduced to a 6.8. I know that is not a great A1C now, but at least it was under control. Unfortunately, seems to resent me at the level of existing. She says that I am horrible and trying to starve her. My goal though all of this is try to save her life, and save limbs. She sees it differently, she sees it as me being mean by denying her carb-rich foods. Her doctor said "keep it under 60 carbs per day". That is what I have done... and it works. Unfortunately, this seems to make me the "bad guy" Now she has completely stopped even checking her blood sugar. I have asked her numerous times to do so. I am only met with remarks, and generally being told to fornicate with myself. Everything out her mouth seems to be prefaced by "You can't even________" and "If you were any kind of husband you would________". It has been almost 5 months that I have spent every moment waiting on her hand and foot, trying to hold onto a job, and dealing with another issue that is my worst nightmare realized. I have actually recorded one of her "fits" and showed it to a mental health nurse who was appalled by her behavior, but she really has gotten nowhere on upping the antidepressant medications. Her mental health nurse pretty much begged her to check the blood sugar at least once a day (Dr's orders were twice a day), and she will not even do that. She threatened to kill herself over me just saying that you need to take some responsibility and do some of these things for yourself. (The things she can do, like making phone calls etc...) Any time I try to have something, like church, she will have one of these fits and ruin it for me, causes me to not even want to go. Her wonderful family, who in her eyes can do no wrong has washed their hands of her. They did come and visit for a while, but no more. They borrowed money from me... and have since fallen off the radar. They asked for money because their traveling 2 hours to see her put a financial strain on them until payday.... now I have stopped even hearing from them. Lesson learned on my part there, if somebody says they will pay you back on the 30th... they will not. They will stop calling and you will not hear from them again. In addition to this. My mother is drawing her last breaths. She had some strange illness a couple months ago, only to find out she has advanced untreatable cancer. Hospice has been called in, so that is the prognosis. I have always been close to my mother, closer than anybody else in the world. My father, a strong man has been reduced to rubble over this. It kills me to see him hurting so much, and there is nothing I can do to help. Either one of these situations is more pain than anybody could imagine, here I am dealing with both at the same time. I have taken some steps to make it more difficult for me to "take the easy way out". I no longer carry because I do not trust myself with a weapon. Between seeing my mom lying in a bed unresponsive, and my wife screaming at me and going through her usual song and dance this evening about how I am scum and worthless, I am thankful I no longer have easy access to any of my firearms. I am consumed with grief about my mother, but my wife's TORMENT and BADGERING is about to push me over the edge. I do not want to do something stupid like swerve into oncoming traffic. I don't want to take the chance on ruining somebody else's life because I am being selfish. Like I said, I no longer have access to my guns I don't trust myself, it would be too easy for me. If it wasn't for the fear of Hell, I would be gone. I hope this does not violate the TOS of the site, I need prayers to try to get through this. Wanna kill these ads? We can help!