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Having fun ordering pizza

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Jun 19, 2008.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person
    taking the order to stop doing that.

    Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

    Use CB lingo where applicable.

    Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

    Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

    Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going
    with the lowest bidder.

    Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

    Answer their questions with questions.

    In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if
    they have something outlandishly sinful.

    Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT

    Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

    Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of
    Puppets" CD.

    Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

    Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

    Stutter on the letter "p."

    Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a
    Cheesier! Cheesier!)

    Ask what the order taker is wearing.

    Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

    Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

    Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like
    drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

    Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

    Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

    Change your accent every three seconds.

    Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an
    equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

    Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetter' Camp,

    Start your order with "I'd like . . . ". A little later, slap yourself and
    say, "No, I don't."

    If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be
    $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

    Rent a pizza.

    Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

    Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of

    Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

    Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

    Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is
    this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it
    is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to
    be lied to?"

    Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the
    call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of
    your lungs.

    Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

    Imitate the order taker's voice.

    Eliminate verbs from your speech.

    When they say, "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

    Play a sitar in the background.

    Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind
    some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

    Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

    Ask to see a menu.

    Quote Carl Sandberg.

    Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

    Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

    Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

    Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

    Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

    Shout, "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"

    Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I?
    Who are you?"

    Psychoanalyze the order taker.

    Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

    Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

    Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be
    included in the pizza.

    Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't
    mean it.

    Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

    Report a petty theft to the order taker.

    Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in
    Tinsel Town."

    Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

    If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your
    sweet words."

    Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

    Try to talk while drinking something.

    Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. action!"

    Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

    Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

    Be vague in your order.

    When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

    If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

    After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a

    Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my
    last entry."

    State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

    Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a
    description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

    Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

    Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.

    When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

    Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals
    to play it.

    Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

    Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some
    two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.

    Put them on hold.

    Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

    Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I
    said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

    Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No
    mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

    When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again,
    change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"

    When you’re given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate


    Order a one-inch pizza.

    Order term life insurance.

    When they say, "Will that be all?” snickers and says, "We'll find out, won't

    Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.

    Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

    While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act

    Engage in some serious swapping.

    Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she
    says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."

    Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background.
    Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

    If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.

    Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

    Order a steamed pizza.

    Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time
    of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.

    Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.

    If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, Say, in your
    best potty voice, "Last guy let me do it."

  2. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    May 24, 2000
  3. mitchshrader

    mitchshrader Deceased

    Jun 14, 2005
    uh huh. lemme know how your excursion into food comedy works out for you, as soon as you recover from the odd stomach flu you're about to come down with..
  4. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    May 24, 2000
    That was YOU that took my order???

  5. Dexters


    May 3, 2004
    Do you really need to do that to a kid working hard to make minimum wage and over the phone?
    How about doing it next time you, your wife and some friends go to a high priced restaurant.
    At least then you will be putting something of yourself on the line.