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Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Mrs Glockrunner, Feb 1, 2013.


  1. Mrs Glockrunner

    Mrs Glockrunner
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    Joined:
    May 19, 2009
    3,638
    337
    Location:
    South Carolina
    A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! ​
    "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.​
    The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. ​
    His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.​
    "I'm dying here and you're putting?"​
    "Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.​
    "Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.​
    "No time at all," says her husband. ​
    "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through." ​
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​
    A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, ​
    "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. ​
    You really know your way around the course. ​
    What's your secret?"​
    Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered." ​
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​
    A young man and a priest are playing together. ​
    At a short par-3 the priest asks, ​
    "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"​
    The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"​
    The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."​
    The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. ​
    The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.​
    The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, ​
    when we pray, we keep our head down."​
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​
    Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.​
    The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"​
    "Yes" says the woman.​
    "Did you hit him with that golf club?"​
    "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.​
    "How many times did you hit him?"​
    "I don't know -- five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."​
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​
    A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. ​
    He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.​
    Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. ​
    The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.​
    As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?​
    The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?​
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​
    The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, ​
    the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. ​
    She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"​
    He looked her right in the eye and said, ​
    "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"​
     
  2. pupcuss27

    pupcuss27
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    CLM

    Joined:
    May 13, 2007
    1,404
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    Location:
    INDY, USA
    I saw these in Reader's Digest.
     

  3. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster
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    Millennium Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 1999
    17,788
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    Location:
    Hartford, Vermont
    They are all good ones! :cool:
     
  4. mikebass78

    mikebass78
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    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2012
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    wow. readers digest huh?

    anyways. i did not see them, and im a golfer, some funny ones there, . . . . .Good post !!!
     
  5. 2-8 Marine

    2-8 Marine
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    Limp Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2009
    1,264
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    Who read them to you? :tongueout: