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Fred Reed on French "Warriors"

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Gunrnr, Feb 3, 2003.

  1. Gunrnr

    Gunrnr Senior Goofoff Millennium Member

    235
    0
    Oct 31, 1999
    Land of Enchantment
    Saw this in "The Federalist" (which should be required reading for GTers):

    "You do have to concede to the French their place in military history: As warriors, the French have always made superb pastry
    chefs. A French war begins with a retreat on Paris, followed by a scream for help, usually American, and four years of peaceful
    collaboration. They're the only country I know of that has a stack of surrender documents addressed To Whom It May Concern. I've
    seen fiercer geese." --Fred Reed
     
  2. I have racked my brain, but I am unable to think of a single WAR the French have ever won. They were on the winning side in the two world wars, but you could hardly credit them with "winning." Napoleon won a lot of BATTLES, but he lost the WAR.

    Can anyone think of a single war that country has ever won?
     


  3. cyberhick

    cyberhick

    78
    0
    Jan 8, 2003
    Jasper, MI
    Unfortunatly you have to look back to the Middle Ages for French victories. They pretty much owned Europe back then, but that was 1200 or so years ago, definatly a castrated and spineless society.


    cyberhick
     
  4. Since this is "The Lighter Side," perhaps we should all share our favorite French military jokes, etc. I'll start:

    For Sale: French army rifle. Good condition. Never fired, dropped only once.

    An episode of The Simpsons in which Milhouse tells Bart "I'm shaking like a French soldier."
     
  5. kels

    kels

    111
    0
    Jul 26, 2002
    Kansas
    You know why french roads have trees planted on
    both sides?
    So the germans can march in the shade!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. Halfcocked

    Halfcocked striker fired

    190
    0
    Oct 14, 2002
    Houston, TX
    French tanks have six gears, one forward gear and five in reverse.

    Seriously though, the French did provide some valuable help during the American Revolution even if they do have had the reputation of pansies throughout the 20th (and aparently 21st) century.
     
  7. Glock23carry

    Glock23carry 308 is great

    153
    0
    Nov 26, 2002
    Northern Virginia
    Do you know why French tanks have rear-view mirrors? So they can see how the battle is going.
     
  8. Halfcocked

    Halfcocked striker fired

    190
    0
    Oct 14, 2002
    Houston, TX
    What do you call 100,000 Frenchmmen standing around with their hands in the air?

    The Army.
     
  9. Halfcocked

    Halfcocked striker fired

    190
    0
    Oct 14, 2002
    Houston, TX
    Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

    Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
     
  10. Gunrnr

    Gunrnr Senior Goofoff Millennium Member

    235
    0
    Oct 31, 1999
    Land of Enchantment
    Credit where it's due, Halfcock, they did indeed help us during the revolution. Never mind their ulterior motive of vexing the Brits. They also sold us the Louisiana Purchase. Never mind their ulterior motive of screwing the Spanish. We were fortunate to be on the right side of their scheming at the time.
     
  11. Navy joe

    Navy joe TFL Member

    130
    0
    Oct 16, 2002
    Va
    What did the mayor of Paris say to the German lead elements coming into the city?

    "Table for 80,000?"
     
  12. What do French customs inspectors do when they see German tourists?

    Surrender
     
  13. MooseJaw

    MooseJaw NRA Lifer Silver Member CLM

    8,654
    558
    Feb 12, 2002
    AridZona
    The French, they are a funny race..

    They fight with their feet and f.... with their face.
     
  14. waktasz

    waktasz Gamer Scumbag

    1,113
    15
    Aug 10, 2002
    Philly Area
    Bonjourrrrrrr, ya cheese eatin' surrender monkies! (Janitor Willy voice)
     
  15. Q: How many French legions does it take to defend Paris?




    A: No one knows. It's never been done.
     
  16. Gunrnr

    Gunrnr Senior Goofoff Millennium Member

    235
    0
    Oct 31, 1999
    Land of Enchantment
    Why do I keep envisioning pointy-nosed, pointy-armor-hatted freaks and cows flying off the top of a castle?


    ...I fart in your auties's face!!!