We always hear "The Rules" from the female side. > Now here are the rules from the male side. > > Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! > > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. > If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't > hear us *****ing about you leaving it down. > > 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to > see if we can find the perfect present yet again! > > 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. > > 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of > the tides. Let it be. > > 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more > attractive than short hair. > One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women > always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. > > 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think > of it that way. > > 1. Crying is blackmail. > > 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle > hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! > Just say it! > > 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on > a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. > > 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you > think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would > look good with your dress? > > 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every > question. > > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. > That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. > > 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a > doctor. > > 1. Check your oil! Please. > > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. > In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. > > 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't > expect us to act like soap opera guys. > > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We > refuse to answer. > > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of > the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. > > 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. > > 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want > it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it > yourself. > > 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during > commercials. > > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do > we. > > 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first > two months we were going out. Get over it, and quit whining to your > girlfriends. > > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. > Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We > have no idea what mauve is. > > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. > > 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of > mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. > > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act > like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth > the hassle. > > 1 . If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an > answer you don't want to hear. > > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is > fine. Really. > > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are > prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or > monster trucks. > > 1. You have enough clothes. > > 1. You have too many shoes. > > 1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce > Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell > they're saying anyway.) > > 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz > together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. > > 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. > > 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on > the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like > camping. > > 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape. > > > Wanna kill these ads? We can help!