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For the guys

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by 1loneranger, Jun 25, 2002.

  1. We always hear "The Rules" from the female side.
    > Now here are the rules from the male side.
    >
    > Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
    >
    > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
    > If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
    > hear us *****ing about you leaving it down.
    >
    > 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to
    > see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
    >
    > 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
    >
    > 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
    > the tides. Let it be.
    >
    > 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
    > attractive than short hair.
    > One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women
    > always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
    >
    > 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
    > of it that way.
    >
    > 1. Crying is blackmail.
    >
    > 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
    > hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
    > Just say it!
    >
    > 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on
    > a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
    >
    > 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you
    > think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
    > look good with your dress?
    >
    > 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
    > question.
    >
    > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    > That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
    >
    > 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
    > doctor.
    >
    > 1. Check your oil! Please.
    >
    > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    > In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
    >
    > 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
    > expect us to act like soap opera guys.
    >
    > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
    > refuse to answer.
    >
    > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
    > the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
    >
    > 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
    >
    > 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
    > it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
    > yourself.
    >
    > 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    > commercials.
    >
    > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do
    > we.
    >
    > 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
    > two months we were going out. Get over it, and quit whining to your
    > girlfriends.
    >
    > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    > Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
    > have no idea what mauve is.
    >
    > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
    >
    > 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
    > mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
    >
    > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
    > like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
    > the hassle.
    >
    > 1 . If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
    > answer you don't want to hear.
    >
    > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
    > fine. Really.
    >
    > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
    > prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or
    > monster trucks.
    >
    > 1. You have enough clothes.
    >
    > 1. You have too many shoes.
    >
    > 1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce
    > Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell
    > they're saying anyway.)
    >
    > 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
    > together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
    >
    > 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
    >
    > 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
    > the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
    > camping.
    >
    > 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
    >
    >
    >
     

  2. HasSpoken

    HasSpoken SumBody2Luv

    233
    0
    Mar 19, 2002
    WILLKILLYA County, FL
    I agree, I m going to go home and show this to my girlfriend ;Q ;P ;g
     
  3. Most of them are funny, but I have to disagree with #1. It just ain't so. ;a
     
  4. jbutenhoff

    jbutenhoff

    587
    0
    Mar 12, 2002
    Iowa
    Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner. Going to send this one around the office now!

    Jamie
     
  5. Mauler362ndFG

    Mauler362ndFG Check Your 6

    138
    1
    May 17, 2001
    Chesapeake, VA, USofA
    I'd show it to my wife also, but she has her own gun! ;N