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Democrat? Republican? or Southern Republican

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by skeezix, Jan 26, 2013.

  1. skeezix

    skeezix

    24
    0
    May 6, 2007
    Lebanon, OR
    Here is a little test that will help you decide.

    Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats,
    Republicans And Southern Republicans?

    The answer can be found by posing the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two
    small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Sig cal .45, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your
    family.

    What do you do?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Democrat's Answer:

    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

    Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

    Could we run away?

    What does my wife think? !

    What about the kids?

    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

    What does the law say about this situation?

    Does the Sig have appropriate safety built into it?

    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

    Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

    Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

    Should I call 9-1-1?

    Why is this street so deserted?

    We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

    This is all so confusing!

    I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Republican's Answer:

    BANG!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Southern Republican's Answer:

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

    Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Federal Hydro-Shocks?"
     

  2. Atomic Punk

    Atomic Punk

    3,294
    320
    Mar 11, 2008
  3. Brian Lee

    Brian Lee Drop those nuts

    9,539
    427
    Jul 28, 2008
    Up a tree.
    You forgot to include "Southern" Democrats in the equation. As long as you're not talking about the liberals that live in inner-city Montgomery, Rural Democrats in the south are usually also very conservative and bear no similarity to the Boston/New York version.

    For many southerners, it's almost like saying you are a democrat is more of a family tradition due to lingering memories of the "War of Northern Aggression" where the Republican party was the party of the northern aggressors. In terms of their political thought, almost all the southern democrats I ever knew were more like republicans than northern democrats, and most of them own more guns than I do.
     
  4. rumblebox

    rumblebox

    16
    5
    Feb 2, 2013
    Victoria, TX
    You beat me to it.
     
  5. MikeLadner

    MikeLadner DILLIGAFF?

    700
    0
    Jul 4, 2001
    South Mississippi
    And you beat me to that.....