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Dear Mr. Ex President Clinton

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by LewisQ, Jan 13, 2003.

  1. LewisQ

    LewisQ 357SIG/10mm

    May 23, 2002
    Las Vegas, NV
    Dear Mr. Ex President Clinton:

    I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore.." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, specifically:

    1. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look

    Graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.

    2. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the

    5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising.

    3. Thank you for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonments

    from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.

    4. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons

    of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin our society.

    5. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I'm sure

    that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends".

    6. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House

    for vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out

    of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax

    dollars spent on jet fuel. Thank you!

    7. Thank you for teaching my 8-year-old about oral sex. I had

    really planned to wait until she was older to discuss it with here, but now she knows more about it than I did as a senior in college.

    8. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place

    (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know

    is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain

    sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have sex.

    9. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new

    generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all.

    10. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of

    our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips.

    11. Thank you also for "finding" millions of dollars--- I really

    didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more well deserving group of recipients for my hard-earned dollars than jet fuel for

    all of your globe-trotting. I understand you, the family and your cronies

    have logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration.

    12. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones,

    Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?

    13. Please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance

    for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $10 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay?

    14. The last and most important point - thank you for forcing Israel

    to let Mohammad Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammad Atta blew up a bus

    in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As

    part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to

    agree to release so-called "political prisoners". However, the Israelis

    would not release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher,

    "insisted" that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammad Atta was freed

    and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the

    World Trade Center. This was reported by many of the American TV networks

    at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later reports.

    SINCERELY, A U.S. Citizen

    P.S. - Please pass along a special thank you to Al Gore for "inventing" the Internet, without which I would not be able to send this factual e-mail.
  2. Gunrnr

    Gunrnr Senior Goofoff Millennium Member

    Oct 31, 1999
    Land of Enchantment