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darwin awards again

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Feb 11, 2003.


  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa
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    Subject: Darwin Awards



    Hard to believe, but another year has passed. For those who don't know it,
    and we have once again found the Darwin Award Winning Nominees. The
    Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who died (or almost died) in
    the stupidest way. Named Darwin Awards because it is hoped that "Survival
    of the Fittest" means something. Hopefully these idiots haven't passed along
    their stupidity. This year's nominees are:

    Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:


    An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
    girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
    discharged, blowing a hole in his head.


    Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:


    James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he
    was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got
    a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so
    that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes
    caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the
    drive shaft."


    Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:


    Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
    Newton, NC, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed,
    he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith &Wesson 38 Special,
    which discharged when he drew it to his ear.


    Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:


    Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
    Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24
    floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the
    courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was
    explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students.
    Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to
    police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day
    Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and
    brightest" members of the 200-man association.


    Nominee No. 5:[Bloomberg News Service]:


    A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death
    of a man who was killed by his own farts. There was no mark on his body and
    an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had
    consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It
    was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his
    sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed.
    Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been
    fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. According to
    the article, "He was a big man wit a huge capacity for creating "this
    deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.



    Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:


    Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent
    several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
    conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
    sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attemptingto fix his small TV set, he
    bit into a wire and was electrocuted.


    Nominee No7: [The Indianapolis Star]:


    A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk,
    Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of
    a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his
    face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his
    parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was
    cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing properly. He
    was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gun powder ignited.


    Nominee No. 8:[Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:


    A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in
    this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko,
    55, was standing on a wheel chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector
    D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears the chair moved and he
    went over the balcony," .


    Finally, Nominee No. 9, The Winner!!!:


    [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were injured when their pickup
    truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38
    early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident
    shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray
    Wallis, 38, of Little Rock were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging
    trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights
    malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older
    model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis
    noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the
    fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the
    headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on
    eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately
    twenty miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently
    overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle
    swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole
    suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require
    surgery to repair the testicle. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
    treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston
    shot his balls off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a
    trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for
    me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened,"
    said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked
    how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck!!
     

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  2. RonC

    RonC
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    Winner can't be right. By definition you only win if you commit suicide, thereby improving the gene pool. Rendering yourself sterile doesn't count.
     

  3. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa
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    It had the same effect.
     
  4. David_G17

    David_G17
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    /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

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    not necessarily, he's still around to vote, drive, and make our lives miserable.
     
  5. Steve Koski

    Steve Koski
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    Got Insurance?
    Millennium Member

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    Can you vote without balls?
     
  6. dhoomonyou

    dhoomonyou
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    Can you vote without balls?

    Democrats do all the time.
     
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