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CCW girlfriend issue...

Discussion in 'Carry Issues' started by GEN3, Oct 28, 2011.

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  1. GEN3


    Oct 7, 2010
    I have been carrying concealed for a little over a year now without my girlfriend knowing and today by accident she found out. We were out and she bumped into me and felt that I had my gun on me. She was like "holy ***** is that what I think it is". To say the least it was a long ride home. I have taken her to the range a couple of times and she is not totally opposed to guns, but I still feel like she is not completely sold on them which is why I have not told her that I carry. After we got home we eventually talked about it and she said that she was not totally against me carrying but she wants to know when I'm doing it. I'm fine with this until we started talking a little bit deeper about it. She then started giving me a list of places and people she doesn't want me to carry around. I'm really not to keen on having somebody tell me when I can and can't carry and I don't want to have to explain myself every time I do. I almost feel like not carrying around her at all now. Has anybody else gone through something like this?
  2. Glockin26


    Feb 22, 2010
    Renton, WA
    I told mine that i always carry, she never had an issue with it. How long have you two been together?

  3. GEN3


    Oct 7, 2010
    2 1/2 years
  4. captdreifus

    captdreifus aSun666

    Jul 24, 2008
    Tempe, Arizona
    Nope, but tell her crime does not stop when you go to those "certain" areas or. When hanging out with "certain" people. Carry always, never tell. My philosophy. Fwiw, my girl knows that I carry 24/7 and does not mind one bit. Guess I got lucky.
  5. Lew-G17


    Feb 3, 2002
    Central, NC
    No, but my wife understands it is not her decision. She does not choose to carry and I honor her point of view and I expect the same from her.

    You will have to make your own decision, but I do not recommend changing your habits when it comes to personal protection.
  6. GEN3


    Oct 7, 2010
    I agree 110% but it's hard explaining this to somebody thats not on the same page with you.
  7. crsuribe

    crsuribe 10mm Auto

    Jul 3, 2010
    Dump her and get a real woman.

    Mine gets annoying telling me she wants her CCW and her own pistol. I'm life fthat dude we can't afford to satisfy another shooter's needs!
  8. eaglefrq

    eaglefrq NRA Member

    Oct 4, 2009
    The Twilight Zone
    How serious is your relationship? I've never had this type of situation, but I've had friends deal with similar issues (not CCW related) and the majority of them either broke up or wound up on a very short leash.

    You can try not carrying around her, while still getting her to warm up to the idea of you carrying. Unfortunately, I can only see three options:
    1. She eventually accepts CCW and all is well
    2. You give up CCW to make her happy and you become miserable
    3. It doesn't work out

    I've found if you start giving up your pleasures because your SO doesn't like them, eventually you start to dislike that person. I would not recommend carrying and not telling her. She will either ask and if you lie and she catches you, then her trust in you is damaged. If you say no and she wants to verify, then she's already telling you she doesn't trust you.
  9. Warp


    Jul 31, 2005
    If you've been together over a year and haven't even let her know that you carry, well, I personally would consider the relationship a dead end and move on. That makes it all real simple.
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2011
  10. 9jeeps

    9jeeps Still Jeepin

    May 22, 2004
    It will be a matter of when she will out you at the wrong place or time. Either give up the gun or the girl.
  11. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    May 24, 2000
    Time for a new girlfriend.

  12. Wolf Spyder

    Wolf Spyder Gun Activist

    May 26, 2002
    Central Ohio
    You have a hard road ahead of you.

    Relationships are built on lots of things, from friendship, sex, or even common interests... all of that aside, if you two differ on your core beliefs... that makes things really tough. Don't get me wrong, it can work, but almost never does.

    If she is totally ignorant of guns or the gun culture, that means she is really close to being in the anti-gun crowd just because of all the stereo typing done in the media and propaganda in movies. Her ignorance could easily lead to a misunderstanding. I guess the worst thing could be if she is putting up with the gun thing because of her feelings for you... She might be hoping that she can change you or set up some kind of boundaries. If this is the case... your outlook is bleak. I say this because most women argue or debate from an emotional point of view and not a logical or reasoned point of view. I have found out that there is seldom any point in trying to reason with an emotional women.

    You are better off finding a woman who shares your core beliefs such as politics, religion, and sex. Trying to change a woman from being an emotional, anti-gun, socialist into being a gun loving conservative is almost impossible. In the end it might be safer for you and your guns if you find another woman.

    Good luck.

  13. HKLovingIT

    HKLovingIT Resident Evil

    Aug 20, 2010
    Out On The Tiles
    I hate to tell you this, but if your girlfriend knows that she can browbeat you into giving up something that you have a strong belief in, her respect for you will be on the down slope to zero. If she doesn't respect you and your beliefs you're going to have a lot more trouble with her than just this issue. If she knows she can push you around, she won't feel secure that you'll be able to stand up for her.

    Women are always testing like this and even if they get miffed from time to time, 99% of women would rather be with a man that stands up for what he believes in (and doesn't cave when she gets mad) than with someone who they can push around. I don't know how many times I have heard a woman complain that her efforts to tame and civilize her man worked and now he's boring and when they first went out he was such an exciting guy.

    If the thing you believe in standing up for is not okay with her, she's free to walk. Of course, if the thing she would like you to stop, is that you snort cocaine and sleep with other women, then her being upset is justified. :rofl:

    Now, you must differentiate her trying to change your core beliefs (a situation that will lead to your resentment of her) from her making a reasonable request. A reasonable request is when someone in a relationship uses a reasonable tone of voice (not nagging or whining or crying) and asks for a reasonable thing. Such as, "I don't mind if you carry a gun but could you please lock it up in the car when we are at my parent's house?" Sure, no problem. That is perfectly reasonable. This would be an unreasonable request: "If I ever find out you are carrying a gun I'm cutting you off from hoo-hah for three months." Now, if she wants to know when you are carrying, it's up to you to decide if that is reasonable and doesn't violate your core beliefs or way of being. You might decide it is. Maybe a reasonable request you make of her is that she get her permit, or take a class in exchange. Better yet take a class together, it's good for your relationship whether it's pottery or shooting safety.

    To the larger issue, staying with someone when you have a fundamental incompatibility in beliefs is setting you both up for misery. This information is new to her and of course you want to be reasonable and give her time to adjust, and you should be reasonable about her reasonable requests, so long as you don't feel you are violating your fundamental beliefs by accommodating her. Also bear in mind that there are a lot of people who are just generally ignorant and scared of firearms because of the general culture and the media so her reaction is not all that surprising. You have to cut her some slack initially for the cultural indoctrination. Realize also that you are asking her to change her beliefs. One of you is going to have to budge one way or the other to resolve this or just agree as a couple to drop the issue and move on.

    At the end of the day, the issue isn't really so much about CCW. It's about you doing something she doesn't like and she says she wants you to stop it or she wants to limit you doing it. You don't want to stop and that's causing friction. Sometimes two people just disagree on a really big issue to the point where it's not practical or smart to keep seeing each other. Better to know now than after you have a ring and a license from the state, followed by a court date. I will throw in that research and common experience suggests that every long term couple usually has a handful of big issues that they just agree to disagree on and they get back to going about the business of being together. Which is cool, as long as it's discussed, everyone has had their say, you agree to disagree and that's the end of it, no bringing it up (whatever it is) all the time.

    To some the particular issue you present is not a big deal and not worth breaking up over, or whatever. To some it is. That's up to you to decide. Only you know where you draw the line on accommodating your partner. If in doubt what to do moment to moment, always ask yourself this: "How would a guy who treats himself with a lot of self respect and who values himself, respond to this?" There's your answer on what to say or do next...
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2011
  14. The best advice that I can give you is...

    ...Don't take relationship advice from internet message boards. Only you know your girlfriend well enough to know whether you have a future together and how to best approach this subject with her.
  15. TDC20


    Apr 11, 2011
    I agree with this 100%, but there have been some wise things said in this thread. Some may be worth consideration and apply to your specific situation, but you are the only one who can know that.
  16. ironmike86


    Dec 20, 2009
    My wife didn't like me to carry. But I said I'm not breaking any laws. And as long as I follow the laws while I carry I will carry. Nobody will know you are anyways.
    I will always compromise and go out of my way to please. But at the same time nobody is going to run my life.
  17. GEN3


    Oct 7, 2010
    Thanks very much for all the advice so far. I've read through all of it and I'm thinking it over on how to approach this. As far as the protecting part I don't think thats the case here. I have a very good martial arts background and thats where we actually met. I think that maybe that it has a reverse effect if anything. I didn't ask her but she may ask herself why I would need a gun for protection in the first place? The one thing that bothered me the most is that she said she didn't want me to carry around her family. I understand that to an extent. I'd agree if she didn't want me to carry in the house or in her relatives houses but if we are out somewhere all together in public thats where I'd want to carry the most. I carry more for the protection of others in mind rather than my own. Kinda makes me feel like I'm the bad guy or that I'm not a safe person to be around because I have a gun on me which is the exact opposite of what I'm trying to accomplish.
  18. HKLovingIT

    HKLovingIT Resident Evil

    Aug 20, 2010
    Out On The Tiles
    Ok, how about tomorrow, in a calm tone of voice you tell her that you've thought about what she requested and you've decided that you'll leave it locked in the car at their homes, but if you're all going out in public in general, you'll carry where legal, but you'll keep it on the down low so as not to cause a 'fuss'. Tell her you'll be counting on her to keep "our" (as in you guys as a couple) secret. :cool: Women just love secrets. They can't keep them, but they love them. Then move on to other business.
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2011
  19. ancient_serpent


    Jun 6, 2008
    Some good advice in this thread. Figure out what you feel strongly about and make decisions from there.
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