close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

Cat burgler

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Aug 25, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    64,670
    1,533
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    THE DILLARD'S THIEF-- in San Antonio, Texas

    This is too funny! This must be true, you can't make this stuff
    up.

    Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully
    gazed
    down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent
    hit---no
    flies, no smell. "What business could that poor kitty have had
    here?"
    murmured Ellen. "Come on, Ellen, let's just go..." But Ellen had
    already
    grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining,"I'll just put my things
    in
    your bag, and then I'll take the tissue." She dumped her purchases
    into
    Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the
    former
    feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.

    They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing
    their
    goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they
    left
    Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while
    they
    ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided
    to
    leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's
    Cafeteria.

    After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window
    table,
    they had a view of Kay's Chevy with
    the
    Dillard's bag still on the trunk.
    BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a huge black woman in a
    red
    gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that,
    and
    then hook the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly
    walked
    out
    of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed
    look of
    amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think
    how
    to respond. "Can you imagine?" sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that
    woman!"
    Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she
    thought about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief.

    Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she
    noticed
    Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following
    her
    gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black woman with the Dillard's
    bag,
    THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray
    toward
    the cashier.

    Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the
    register,
    the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an
    empty
    chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and
    green
    beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her
    treasure.
    Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt
    audience
    three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into
    the
    bag.
    Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise.
    The
    noise
    grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing
    and
    clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly
    recognized
    a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she
    administered the Heimlich maneuver.

    A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who
    remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the
    ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes the woman emerged from
    the
    crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two
    well-trained
    EMS
    volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third
    scooped
    up
    her belongings.

    The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared
    behind
    the ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.
     
  2. Flashpoint

    Flashpoint NRA Member

    734
    0
    Feb 5, 2004
    NEArkansas

  3. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    64,670
    1,533
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    I would have paid money to see that~1 ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1
     
  4. VANMAN

    VANMAN

    458
    0
    Jul 18, 2002
    Long Island


    Me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    ;f ;z ;D ;+ ;Y ;V ^5 ~1 ;W
     
  5. 9jeeps

    9jeeps

    5,831
    1,124
    May 22, 2004
    PNW
    Indeed it is a good story and it circulated in the 70's in mid-Ohio.
    Of course there were different stores and embellishments but never the less it is an urban legend and has been covered on tv shows of that ilk, several times.

    sorry

    :)
     
  6. StoneGiant

    StoneGiant

    561
    0
    May 31, 2003
    Derry, NH
    9jeeps is correct:

    http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/deadcat.htm
     
  7. Still sounds good
     
  8. 9jeeps

    9jeeps

    5,831
    1,124
    May 22, 2004
    PNW
    You betcha.

    I read it all the way through too.;P
     
  9. gizmo

    gizmo Cowlingboy

    Are you sure you can open my apartment door without damaging the lock?

    Oh, no prob, mate. I used to be a cat-burgler you know.

    REAALLY?!

    Oh sure. I got a swiss bank acount wif' 2,000 bloody cats in it.
    :joker: