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Canadian Border Security

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Dec 15, 2004.


  1. okie

    okie
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    GT Mayor

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    64,670
    1,525
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
    intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
    the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is prompting the
    exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt,
    pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

    Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
    professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
    night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
    producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
    acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He
    asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I
    said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
    screenplay, eh?"

    In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
    but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
    Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals
    still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

    Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
    the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across
    the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are
    not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I
    found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice
    little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

    When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
    loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumours have been
    circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps
    in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

    In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious
    ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens
    on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
    half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration
    authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
    passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence
    Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
    and organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon
    movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
    can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors
    does one country need?"

    In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
    President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
    the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close
    to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And
    we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is
    determined to reach out."
     
  2. vafish

    vafish
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    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2003
    16,541
    29
    Location:
    Commonwealth of Virginia
    If I pretend to be a liberal will the send me to camp for the summer?
     

  3. glockfan911

    glockfan911
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    Goooo Dawgs!!!!

    Joined:
    May 12, 2003
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    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, Georgia
    With promises of beer and NASCAR, I'll be a Teddy (hicup) Kennedy liberal. :)