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Brain Cramps

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by potshot, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. potshot


    Mar 31, 2002

    (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
    Question: If you could live forever, would you and Why?

    Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
    live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
    then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
    which is why I would not live forever,"

    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.


    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
    all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
    to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
    death and stuff."
    --Mariah Carey


    "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
    important part of your life,"
    --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
    Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.


    "I've never had major knee surgery on any other partof my body,"
    --Winston Bennett,
    University of Kentucky basketball forward.


    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
    lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.


    "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
    our papers. We are the president." (we are?)
    --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
    subpoenaed documents.


    "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
    by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
    --A congressional candidate in Texas.


    "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
    --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
    the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
    --Al Gore, Vice President

    "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    --Dan Quayle


    "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much

    clean air do we need?"

    --Lee Iacocca


    "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
    genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.


    "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
    certain types of people."

    --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.


    "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
    --Bill Clinton, President


    "We are ready for an unforeseen event that
    may or may not occur."
    --Al Gore, VP


    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
    from overseas."
    --Keppel Enderbery


    "Your food stamps will be stopped effective
    March 1992 because we received notice that
    you passed away. May God bless you. You may
    reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
    --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


    "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
    in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
    heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
    they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

    Feeling smarter yet?