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Being over 50

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Silent Scream, Apr 3, 2003.


  1. Silent Scream

    Silent Scream
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    Learning Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2002
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    Location:
    Once free America, the prophetic Ba
    THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50 ---


    1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

    2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

    3. No one expects you to run - anywhere.

    4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

    5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

    6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

    7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

    8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

    9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

    10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

    11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

    12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

    13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

    14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
    the room.

    15. You sing along with elevator music.

    16. Your eyes won't get much worse.

    17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

    18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

    19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

    20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

    21. You can't remember who sent you this list.
     
  2. Silent Scream

    Silent Scream
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    Learning Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2002
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    Location:
    Once free America, the prophetic Ba
    GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

    1. Sag, You're it.

    2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

    3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

    4. Kick the bucket.

    5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

    6. Doc Goose.

    7. Simon says something incoherent.

    8. Hide and go pee.

    9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.

    10. Musical recliners.



    SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

    1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

    2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.

    3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

    4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.

    5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.

    6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a
    field trip to Chippendale's.
     

  3. Silent Scream

    Silent Scream
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    Learning Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2002
    39
    0
    Location:
    Once free America, the prophetic Ba
    SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

    1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

    2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.

    3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

    4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.

    5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.

    6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a
    field trip to Chippendale's.


    SIGNS OF BEING "OLD" IS WHEN.....

    Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

    "OLD" IS WHEN.... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator
    shoes and you're barefoot.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your
    face.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
     
  4. pizzaaguy

    pizzaaguy
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    Joined:
    May 8, 2002
    2,154
    1,471
    Location:
    Central Florida
    SO TWUE, SO TWUE.;1
     
  5. igrp

    igrp
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    ut supra

    Joined:
    May 6, 2002
    581
    0
    Location:
    The Sunshine State
    LOL. :)
    Guess, I'm getting old.
     
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