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Being A Parent

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Mauler362ndFG, Jul 9, 2002.

  1. Mauler362ndFG

    Mauler362ndFG Check Your 6

    138
    1
    May 17, 2001
    Chesapeake, VA, USofA
    Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each
    baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.


    Your Clothes:
    1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
    2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
    3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.


    Preparing for the Birth:
    1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
    2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
    3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.


    The Layette:
    1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
    2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discarded only the ones with the darkest stains.
    3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?


    Worries:
    1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
    2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
    3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing

    Pacifier:
    1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
    2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
    3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.


    Diapering:
    1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
    2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
    3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their
    knees.


    Activities:
    1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
    2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
    3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.


    Going Out:
    1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
    2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
    3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.


    At Home:
    1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
    2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
    3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.


    Swallowing Coins (my favorite one)
    1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
    2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
    3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!