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advice for yanks

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by TEAK, Jan 3, 2003.

  1. TEAK

    TEAK 1*

    Nov 8, 2002
    Yankee Etiquette When Visiting the South

    Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Yankees cross states such as North Carolina, South Carolina, Alabama, Tennessee, and Georgia those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy.

    In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the State.

    1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

    2. It's called a 'gravel road,' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

    3. The red dirt - it's called clay. Red Georgia clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks - it'll be permanent. The big lumps of it - they're called "clods."

    4 . We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

    5 . Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you our women.

    6 . Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for ... bait.

    7 . Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

    8. Men, if you want to wear earrings, pierce your nose and whatevers, and wear your hair long - go right ahead - but if we call you ma'am, don't be offended.

    9 . If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.

    10 . That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

    11 . No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

    12. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot - sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened - add a lot of water.

    13. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

    14 . So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

    15. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

    16. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

    17. We eat dinner together with our families, we pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast), we go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, we go to high school football games on Friday nights, we still address our seniors with 'yes sirs' and
    'yes ma'ams', and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

    18. We don't do "hurry up" well.

    19. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with either salt back or a ham hock.

    20. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp , too. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

    21 . They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 95 goes two ways-Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

    22. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and pepper on them. You want to put milk and sugar on them - then you want cream of wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West.

    23. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

    24. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

    25. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish - and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called Diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

    26. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir" matter how old he is.

    27. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

    28. You burn an American flag in our state - you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislatures (all 4 of them) enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $10 fine for beating the person up.

    Now, enjoy your visit... I emphasize - "visit."
  2. king catfish

    king catfish squirrelwhacker

    Aug 7, 2001
    Hatfield, PA
    I'm as Yankee as they come, and I agree with just about everything on that list (I'm not religious). Of course, I live in PA, which is a lot like Alabama in the middle.

  3. Ender

    Ender ComfortablyNumb

    May 20, 2001
    for some reason, i really liked that. maybe because we have some real hick areas in our state. i applied a lot of those to a place called Shepard, and it fit. wonderful :)
  4. glock_19guy1983


    Sep 8, 2002
    Hell, Michigan cant be too bad Ted Nugent is from there.[​IMG]
  5. TEAK

    TEAK 1*

    Nov 8, 2002
    you have a point.
  6. Bravo8

    Bravo8 Tattooed Freak

    The saying I heard is, "Pa is Philly, Pittsburgh, and Kentucky in the middle."
  7. LApm9

    LApm9 Silver Member

    Apr 3, 2006
    South Louisiana
    A yankee is anyone born north of I-10...

  8. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster Millennium Member

    Sep 24, 1999
    Hartford, Vermont
    I love this list, and I live in Vermont!
  9. wyntrout


    Jan 27, 2013
    Jacksonville, FL
    When I see "Yank", I think Brits... or Aussies, talking about Americans. Folks from our North are Yankees, not Yanks!
  10. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster Millennium Member

    Sep 24, 1999
    Hartford, Vermont
    Yanks is what the Brits called our soldiers during WWII.
  11. wyntrout


    Jan 27, 2013
    Jacksonville, FL
    They still call us Yanks. I was last over there in 1987, but I bought a model airplane from a dealer there on Amazon and talked with him a bit. He still used Buddy a lot... "US citizens are always welcome in the UK buddy, think you guys love the UK nearly as much as we love the US".
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2015
  12. KWalrad

    KWalrad DILLIGAF

    Mar 5, 2014
    Dallas, Texas
    Nice! And true as well.